- Are you sure this is british beef? - Of horse it is!
propus: 18 Apr 2013
A lady about eight months pregnant got
on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. So she
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a
grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
even more amused. When, on the fourth
move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the
man arrested.
The case came up in
court. The judge asked the man
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007
All eyes were on the radiant bride as
her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and
placed something in his hand. The guests
in the front pews, and the minister,
responded with ripples of laughter. As
her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride had given him back his credit
card.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was
moving to a new office, and his staff
was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in
the front of my car, his bony arm across
the back of my seat. I hadn't considered
the drive across town. At one traffic
light, the stares of the people in the
car beside me became obvious, and I
looked across and explained, "I'm
delivering him to my
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 Octombrie 2006
A ragged individual stranded for several
months on a small desert island in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a
bottle lying in the sand with a piece of
paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he
pulled out the cork and with shaking
hands withdrew the message.
"Due to
lack of maintenance," he read, "we
regretfully have found it necessary to
cancel your e-mail account."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Mai 2007
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reports
for her university final examination
that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse,
removes a coin and starts tossing the
coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for
Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half
an hour she is all
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet
School were receiving theirfirst anatomy
class, with a real dead cow. They all
gathered around the surgery table with
the body covered with a white sheet. The
professor started the class by telling
them:
- In vet medicine it is
necessary to have two important
qualities as a doctor: the first is that
you not be disgusted by anything
involving the animal
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007
A young man married a beautiful woman
who had previously divorced ten
husbands. She told her new husband,
"Please be gentle with me, as for me
it's the first time."
"What?" said
the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales
Representative; he kept telling me how
great it was going to be."
"Husband
#2 was in Software Services; he was
never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 August 2006
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
I never
think of the future. It comes soon
enough.
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
education.
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
the universe.
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
A new missionary recruit went to
Venezuela for the first time. He was
struggling with the language and didn't
understand a whole lot of what was going
on. Intending to visit one of the local
churches, he got lost, but he eventually
got back on track and found the place.
Having arrived late, the church was
already packed. The only pew left was
the one on the front row.
So as
not to make a fool
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
In the
first year, "s" will
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid
Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and
you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus
stop with their 9 children. A blind man
joins them after a few minutes. When the
bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the 9 kids are able to
fit onto the bus.
So the
husband and the blind man decide to
walk. After a while, the husband gets
irritated by the ticking of the stick of
the blind man as he taps it on the
sidewalk, and says
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the
FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on
all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of
alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 7 Martie 2005