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Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
propus: 10 Nov 2004
Error messages:
banc precedent I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in waht oredr the [...]
banc urmator
- Comenteaza
- 7.1 din 22 note
My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said:
- I know I had my cell phone with me. And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking on it!?
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by:
- You are NOT going to tell ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Februarie 2008
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the heavens and the earth..." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Decembrie 2007
The Pentagon announced TODAY the
formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the United States
Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008
Success is just like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you tried! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 24 Iulie 2009
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya ********!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!"
Orson Welles ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Decembrie 2006
News from Apple
Apple Computers announced today that is has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.
The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Thank to Apple, everyone is now happy. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Noiembrie 2007
A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005
Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:
- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours.
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 22 Septembrie 2006
A blonde at the grocery store:
- I would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4 onions.
- I can help you with the tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with the onions...
- Ok... than I'll have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2 onions.
- I see you don't understand me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes, but I have no onions.
- I see... then I'll have a tomato, a potato and an onion.
- Ok, let's do this ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007