I have a great dog. She's half Labrador, half Pit-bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it...
propus de: Ovidiu pe data: 18 Mai 2012
A man is waiting in line for a hit
movie. Behind him are two women. The
usher comes along and says that he has
two seats together. Seeing the problem,
the usher says to the man, "Let them go
first. You wouldn't want to separate a
woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that
once, and I've been sorry ever since."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 1 Aprilie 2008
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some
****** French toast, he says.
The
mother is outraged at his language, hits
him, and sends him upstairs. She asks
the middle child what he wants.
-
Well, I guess that leaves more *******
French toast for me, he says.
She is
livid, smacks him, and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met
her at the gates and said:
- You
have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the
asking.
The cat thought for a minute
and then said:
- All my life I lived
on a farm and slept on hard wooden
floors. I would like a real fluffy
pillow to sleep on.
God said:
-
Say no more.
Instantly the cat had a
huge fluffy pillow.
A few days
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Martie 2005
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president
Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by
saying:
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the
president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching
as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and
asks:
- How many is a brazillion?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Octombrie 2005
School: Define The Following Terms
Antibody: Against everyone.
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Benign: What you've been after
eight.
Cardiology: Advance study of
poker playing.
Cat Scan: Searching
for lost kitty.
Chronic: Neck of a
crow.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Cyst: Short of sister.
Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.
Dislocation: In
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Martie 2005
Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or
charge? I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase.
As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in
her purse.
- So, do you always carry
your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she
replied, but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, and I figured this was
the most evil thing I could do to him
legally.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010
Two women came before wise King Solomon,
dragging between them a young man in a
three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer
agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY
daughter," said the other.
And so
they haggled before the king until he
called for silence.
"Bring me my
biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I
shall hew the young attorney in half.
Each of you shall receive a
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006
Depression in the age of global
outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the
other day, so I called LifeLine. They
had recently outsourced, so I was put
through to their new Call Center in
Pakistan.
I explained that I was
feeling suicidal. They were very excited
to hear this and wanted to know if I
could drive a truck or fly an
airplane....
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical
lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the
Cop so he decides to have some fun at
the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
-
License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop
says:
- You didn't come to a
complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down,
and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005
Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks
to his son
Jack: I want you to
marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I
will choose my own bride!"
Jack:
"But the girl is Bill Gates's
daughter."
Son: "Well, in that
case..."
Next Jack approaches
Bill Gates.
Jack: "I have a husband
for your daughter."
Bill Gates:
"But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 29 Septembrie 2005
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is
pregnant.
Shouting, crying, the
mother says, "Who did this to you? I
want to know!"
The girl picks up the
phone and makes a call. Half an hour
later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004