I have a great dog. She's half Labrador, half Pit-bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it...
propus de: Ovidiu pe data: 18 Mai 2012
3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story
This is classic - a true story,
proving how fascinating is the mind of a
six year old. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story
of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where
the first pig was trying to gather the
building materials for his home. She
read, "...and so the pig went up to the
man with the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
I've sure gotten old. I've had two
bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and
take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Decembrie 2006
Jack Benny is walking down the street,
when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and
says: Your money or your life!
An
extremely long silence follows. Your
money or your life!, the thug repeats.
Finally Benny says: I am thinking!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
Hung Chow calls work and says:
-
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work.
The
boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
again:
- Boss, I do what you say
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 16 Martie 2005
One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to
pack his own lunch for school. His mom
agreed. But they couldn't agree on what
he should pack, so they both made lists.
This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk
This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy
Jake agreed
to compromise. Sure enough, the next
morning, Jake was ready for school and
he packed his lunch.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 12 Ianuarie 2007
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
The next
day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to
another, and soon the whole cake was
gone.
The woman went on to tell
us how upset she was
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan
meets him, shows him doors to three
rooms, and says he must choose one spend
eternity in.
In the first room,
people are standing in shit up to their
necks. The guy says "no, let me see the
next room."
In the second room,
people are standing with shit up to
their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the
third room. People are standing
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
you cry.
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
A simple
friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real
friend has their phone numbers in his
address book.
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005
- Bless me Father, for I have sinned
with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is
that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
-
Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was
the woman you were with?
- I can't
tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin
her reputation.
- Well, Johnny, I'm
sure to find out her name sooner or
later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
-
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about
something. Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies."
A voice from
the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007
A soldier stationed in Iraq recently
received a "Dear John" letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as
follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can
no longer continue our relationship. The
distance between us is just too great. I
must admit that I have cheated on you
twice, since you've been gone, and
it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry.
Please return the
picture of me that I sent to
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable
scowled. "Last night, when it took me
two hours to finish my soup!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006
An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his
students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class
wrote:
"A woman, without her man,
is nothing."
All the
females in the class wrote:
"A
woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004