What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Answer: It's Christmas, Eve!

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but he eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row. So as not to make a fool of ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss and it is all organized by the Italians. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 29 Noiembrie 2005

A Chinese couple got married. When a baby girl was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, the father named the baby SUM TING RONG." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Septembrie 2006

Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n See for yourself what solution our student has found. ... Also our teacher's comment, written with red. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed even more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007

During a taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between a C ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 25 Martie 2008

About five years ago, the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time, so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand in starting the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Ianuarie 2008

The truth about working in the IT industry: 1. We work weird (night) shifts... 2. They pay you to make the client happy... 3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny... 4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams... 5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you... 6. When you have to meet the client ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around; nobody's there. "I am having hallucinations," he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after a bit, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock. The deep voice says: OPEN! OK, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008

A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me." "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand dollars." "Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never mind ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008

One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word... "I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Aprilie 2011