What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Answer: It's Christmas, Eve!

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 14 Nov 2011

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
Answer: It's Christmas, Eve!

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and [...]
banc precedent
See if you can do this. Read each line aloud. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is genius [...]
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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
- Have you any grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 16 Ianuarie 2007


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 30 Mai 2010


An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said:
- If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've seen, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011


A woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different fabrics of curtains she finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they for?"
She says, "It's not ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Noiembrie 2005


All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton. Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting: 1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Septembrie 2005


Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007


A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it'sdirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007


A couple is lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says: "I'll miss you." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Iunie 2005


A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I am having hallucinations," he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after a bit, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
OK, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, crying, the mother says, "Who did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015


- What is the longest word in the English language?
- It is the word "smiles", because there is a mile between the first letter and the last! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 20 Octombrie 2013