I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film,...
propus: 14 Nov 2011
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive
at the Italian border.
Customs Officer stops them and tells
- It's a illegala to put a
cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do
you mean it's illegal? asks the German
- Quattro meansa four,
replies the Italian official.
Quattro is just ze name of ze
automobile!, the German says
unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze
car is ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006
This year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will
explain using the Q and A
"Q. What is an Economic
"A. It is money
that the federal government will send to
"Q. Where will the
government get this money?
"Q. So the
government is giving me back my own
"A. No, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Ianuarie 2009
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
developers - Refer to their clients as
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
developers - "Download a free trial
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
Nope, no more booze for me!
Sorry, but ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008
One spelling mistake can destroy your
A husband wrote a message to
his wife on his business trip and forgot
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time!
I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Aprilie 2011
Well, it appears our African-American
friends have found yet something else to
be pissed about. A black congresswoman
reportedly complained that the names of
hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding
names. She would prefer some names that
reflect African-American culture such as
Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal,
and Jamal. She would also like the
weather reports to be broadcast in
language that ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 20 Februarie 2007
A man is taking a walk in Central park
in New York. Suddenly he sees the little
girl being attacked by a pitbull. He
runs over and starts fighting with the
dog. He succeds in killing the dog and
saving the girls live.
who was watching the scene walks over
- You are a hero, tomorrow
you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's
- But ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 3 Mai 2006
Two women came before wise King Solomon,
dragging between them a young man in a
"This young lawyer
agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY
daughter," said the other.
they haggled before the king until he
called for silence.
"Bring me my
biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I
shall hew the young attorney in half.
Each of you shall receive a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006
Before I lay me down
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep,
handsome, smart and strong
loves to listen long,
One who thinks
before he speaks,
call, not wait for weeks.
he's gainfully employed,
spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my
Massages me back and begs to
do ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
One night while I was cat-sitting my
daughter's indoor feline, it escaped
outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast
clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in
a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
I called the fire department.
don't do that anymore," the woman
dispatcher said. When I persisted, she
was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 30 Ianuarie 2007
Heaven is where the police are British,
the chefs Italian, the mechanics German,
the lovers French and it is all
organized by the Swiss.
where police are German, the chefs
British, the mechanics French, the
lovers Swiss and it is all organized by
the Italians. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 29 Noiembrie 2005
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence
starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say,
MILLIE: All right... 'I am
the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
There is this good old barber in one
city in the US.
- One day a florist
goes to him for a haircut. After the
cut, he goes to pay the barber and the
barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot
accept money from you. I am doing
community service." The Florist is happy
and leaves the shop. The next morning
when the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a thank you card and a dozen
roses waiting at his ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Februarie 2006