A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, I'm sorry to bother you, but I...
propus: 18 Oct 2004
A man follows a woman out of a movie
theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He
stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother
you, but I couldn't help but notice that
your dog was really into the movie. He
cried at the right spots, he moved
nervously in his seat at the boring
parts, but most of all, he laughed like
crazy at the funny parts. Did you find
that unusual?"
"Yes," she replied,
"I found it very unusual... because he
hated the book!"
I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. [...]
banc precedent A man called home to his wife and said, Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to [...]
banc urmator
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive
at the Italian border.
The Italian
Customs Officer stops them and tells
them:
- It's a illegala to put a
cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do
you mean it's illegal? asks the German
driver.
- Quattro meansa four,
replies the Italian official.
-
Quattro is just ze name of ze
automobile!, the German says
unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze
car is
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006
21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS...
Our communication - Wireless
Our
telephone - Cordless
Our cooking -
Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our
religion - Creedless
Our food -
Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our
labor - Effortless
Our conduct -
Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our
feelings - Heartless
Our politics -
Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies -
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 20 Iulie 2005
A man walks into a bar and he's really
pissed. The bartender gives him a drink
and asks what the problem is. All he
says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The
pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are
you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006

Amazingly simple home remedies:
1.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females
about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink.
3. For high blood pressure
sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the
pressure on your veins. Remember to use
a timer.
4. A mouse
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 9 Noiembrie 2008
Jack and Max are walking from religious
service. Jack wonders whether it would
be all right to smoke while praying. Max
replies, "Why don't you ask the
Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest
and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I
pray?"
But the Priest says,
"No, my son, you may not. That's
utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and
tells him what the good
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 1 Septembrie 2004

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2.
Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4.
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1.
Specificity
2.
Anti-constitutionalistically
3.
Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran
substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2.
Nope, no more booze for me!
3.
Sorry, but
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008
There is an old story about a mother who
walks in on her six-year-old son and
finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?"
she asks.
"I've just figured out how
to tie my shoes."
"Well, honey,
that's wonderful." Being a wise mother,
she recognizes his victory in the
Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus
doubt: "You're growing up, but why are
you crying?"
"Because," he says,
"now I'll have to do it
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007
I went to the cinema the other day and
in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind
of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part, the dog laughed its head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended, I
decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've
seen,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011
A truck driver had to deliver five
hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he
was driving his truck through the
desert, the truck broke down.
After waiting by the side of the
road for about three hours, he waved
another truck down and offered the
driver $500 to take the penguins to the
state zoo for him.
The next
day, the first truck driver arrived in
town and saw the second truck driver
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 3 Decembrie 2007
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22
year old husband at home. He makes love
to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee."
I said:
"Well, then why are you crying?"
She
said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
He
put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of
whiskey.
The worm in the water lived, while the
one in the whiskey
curled up and
died.
"All right, son," asked
the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if
you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 August 2008
George B.: Condi! Nice to see you.
What's happening?
Condoleeza R.:
Sir, I have the report here about the
new leader of China.
George B.:
Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.:
Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to
know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm
telling you.
George B.: That's what
I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of
China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006