I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on...
propus: 18 Oct 2004
I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much
email from me lately. It's because I'm
tired. For a couple years I've been
blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of
vitamins, dieting and a dozen other
maladies. But now I found out the real
reason. I'm tired because I'm
overworked. Phrases For Your Out-Of-The-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply: - I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. - I'm [...]
The population of this
country is 237 million. 104 million are
retired. That leaves 133 million to do
There are 85 million in
school, which leave 48 million to do the
work. Of this there are 29 million
employed by the federal government. This
leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed
Forces, which leaves 15 million to do
Take from the total the
14,800,000 people who work for State and
City Government and that leaves 200,000
to do the work.
There are 188,000 in
hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do
Now, there are 11,998
people in Prisons. That leaves just two
people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting there reading
humor email. No wonder I'm tired; I'm
the doing ALL of the work myself.
banc precedent A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. [...]
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of
The worm in the water lived, while the
one in the whiskey
curled up and
"All right, son," asked
the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if
you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 August 2008
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet
School were receiving theirfirst anatomy
class, with a real dead cow. They all
gathered around the surgery table with
the body covered with a white sheet. The
professor started the class by telling
- In vet medicine it is
necessary to have two important
qualities as a doctor: the first is that
you not be disgusted by anything
involving the animal ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
think of the future. It comes soon
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
guy notices the other has a black eye,
just like him.
how’d you get your shiner?”
“Well, I was at the train station,
and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And
instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I
slipped and said ‘two PICKets to
TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in
the ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 24 August 2008
A man is walking along a cliff and all
of a sudden loses his balance, slips,
and falls off. Fortunately, he has the
presence of mind to grab on to the edge,
and he's hanging there for dear life. He
hangs and hangs an finally yells out:
"Is there anybody up there who can help
There's no answer.
calling and calling. "Is there anybody
up there who can help me?".
this big ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007
A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval
conference that included 20 Admirals
from the US, English, Canadian,
Australian and French Navies.
reception, he found himself standing
with a huge group of officers that
included personnel from most of the
Everyone was chatting
away in English as they sipped their
drinks, but a French admiral suddenly
complained that, whereas Europeans ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Iulie 2007
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
I know I'm not going to
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010
My wife's family and I were at a Harding
University football game. Every time
someone carried the ball or made a
tackle, the announcer would broadcast
who had made the play.
beginning of the third quarter after the
announcer called a play, my niece,
Madison, looked up at my wife and
innocently asked, "Is that God talking?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 Noiembrie 2006
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the
man said, "I dream that these three
hideous monsters are sitting on the edge
of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel
sure I can cure you of this problem. But
the treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
"Thirty thousand dollars!"
the man gasped. "Never ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive
at the Italian border.
Customs Officer stops them and tells
- It's a illegala to put a
cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do
you mean it's illegal? asks the German
- Quattro meansa four,
replies the Italian official.
Quattro is just ze name of ze
automobile!, the German says
unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze
car is ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
A: The animals told
him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
When you have an "I hate My Job" day,
On your way home from
work, stop at your pharmacy and go to
the thermometer section and purchase a
rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson. Be very sure you get this
brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing
and sit in your ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006