I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on...
propus: 18 Oct 2004
I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much
email from me lately. It's because I'm
tired. For a couple years I've been
blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of
vitamins, dieting and a dozen other
maladies. But now I found out the real
reason. I'm tired because I'm
overworked. Phrases For Your Out-Of-The-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply: - I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. - I'm [...]
The population of this
country is 237 million. 104 million are
retired. That leaves 133 million to do
There are 85 million in
school, which leave 48 million to do the
work. Of this there are 29 million
employed by the federal government. This
leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed
Forces, which leaves 15 million to do
Take from the total the
14,800,000 people who work for State and
City Government and that leaves 200,000
to do the work.
There are 188,000 in
hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do
Now, there are 11,998
people in Prisons. That leaves just two
people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting there reading
humor email. No wonder I'm tired; I'm
the doing ALL of the work myself.
banc precedent A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. [...]
An old mafia Don is dying and he calls
his grandson to the bed.
lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my
chrome plated 38 revolver so you will
always remember me.
- But grandpa,
I really don't like guns. Howzabout you
leava me your rolex watch instead?
Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna
runna da business, you gonna have a
beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga
home and maybe a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Octombrie 2005
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he
said, a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, though,
such as Romanian, a double negative is
still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.
A loud voice from
the back of the room piped up:
Yeah, right. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has
the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
When you insert a disk, it spits out a
pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to
7. The manual contains one
sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only
chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in
the neighborhood start howling.
You catch a virus from ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007
01. While working with Mr. Ionescu, I
have always found him
studiously and sincerely at his table
03. gossiping with
colleagues in the office. He seldom
04. wastes his time on useless
things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time.
He is always
06. deeply engrossed in
his official work, and can never be
07. found chitchatting in the
canteen. He ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
Caller: I heard what
sounded like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
The phone rang. It was a salesman from a
mortgage refinance company. "Do you have
a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like
to consolidate all your debts?"
really don't have any," I said.
about freeing up cash for home
improvements?" he tried.
need any. I just recently had some done
and paid cash," I parried.
a brief silence, and then he ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Februarie 2007
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
think of the future. It comes soon
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
developers - Refer to their clients as
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
developers - "Download a free trial
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006
A man called 911 and said, "Someone come
quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch
with her mouth open and a mouse ran down
replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece
of cheese over her mouth and maybe the
mouse will come out. An ambulance is on
When the ambulance
arrived, the EMT found the man waving a
fish over his wife's mouth.
"What on earth are you ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
A man is taking a walk in Central park
in New York. Suddenly he sees the little
girl being attacked by a pitbull. He
runs over and starts fighting with the
dog. He succeds in killing the dog and
saving the girls live.
who was watching the scene walks over
- You are a hero, tomorrow
you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's
- But ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 3 Mai 2006