Dear God: My prayer for Next Year is for a fat bank account & a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did last...
propus de: Sorin pe data: 17 Ian 2011
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful
daughters but always talked about having
a son. They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The
wife got pregnant and delivered a
healthy baby boy. The joyful father
rushed to the nursery to see his new
son. He was horrified at the ugliest
child he had ever seen.
He told his
wife:
'There's no way I can be the
father of this baby.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 3 Iunie 2008
On the first day of school, the teacher
asked a student:
- What are your
parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and
my mother's name is Smiling.
The
teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding
is my brother. I am Joking.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015

Many hymnals have a hymn called "Gladly
the Cross I'd Bear."
It seems
that one week when the church secretary
was typing the Sunday
bulletin, she
asked the pastor which hymn would come
just before the
sermon. He replied
with the above-mentioned hymn.
The following Sunday the bulletin
read:
Hymn No. 134: "Gladly,
the Cross-eyed Bear."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 16 Octombrie 2008
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
you cry.
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
A simple
friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real
friend has their phone numbers in his
address book.
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005
A new store named Husband-Mart opened.
Husband-Mart is a store where women can
go and choose a husband from among many
men. The store is composed of six
floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the
flight of stairs. There is, however, a
catch. AS you open the door to any floor
you may choose a man from that floor,
but if you go up a floor, you cannot go
back down
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 30 Noiembrie 2004
A man walks along a lonely beach.
Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I
am having hallucinations," he thinks.
Then he hears the voice again: I SAID,
DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand
with his bare hands, and after a bit, he
finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
OK,
the man thinks, let's open the thing. He
finds a rock with
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert,
moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a
pair of authentic cowboy boots, so,
seeing some on sale, he bought them and
wore them home.
Walking proudly, he
sauntered into the kitchen and said to
his wife, "Notice anything different
about me?"
Margaret looked him
over.. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert
stormed off into the bathroom, undressed
and walked back into the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 27 Ianuarie 2009
Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on
gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan
several years before the Afghan
conflict. She noted that women
customarily walked about 5 paces
behind their husbands. She returned to
Kabul recently and observed that women
still walk behind their husbands, but
now seem to walk even further back and
are happy with the old custom.
Ms.
Walters approached one of
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to
buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you
ever had an accident?"
"Nope,"
replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a
bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a
couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit
me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call
those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled
agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied.
"They did it on purpose!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Noiembrie 2006
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible".
"Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008
A statistician, who refused to fly after
reading of the alarmingly high
probability that there will be a bomb on
any given plane, realized that the
probability of there being two bombs on
any given flight is very low. Now,
whenever he flies, he carries a bomb
with him.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 7 Februarie 2006

Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm
clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I
trust you'll see to it that the weather
won't turn bad on us."
Our pastor
shook his head. "Sorry," he replied.
"I'm sales, not management!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 29 Octombrie 2008
Man: God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I
ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of
years?
God: A second.
Man: And
a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 27 Octombrie 2005
A clergyman, walking down a country
lane, saw a young farmer struggling to
load hay back onto a cart after it had
fallen off.
- You look tired, my
son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest
a moment, and I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My
father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be
silly, the minister said. Everyone is
entitled to a break. Come and have a
drink of water.
Again
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 3 Mai 2007