Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
propus: 18 Oct 2004
These individual quotes were reportedly
taken from actual employee performance
evaluations throughout the U.S.
Hopefully, none of us will be seeing
similar ones on ours.
- Since my
last report, this employee has reached
rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere,
but only out of curiosity.
- I would
not allow this employee to breed.
-
This employee is really not
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 22 Septembrie 2006
Three engineering students were gathered
together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
One
said, "It was a mechanical engineer."
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical
connections."
The last one said,
"Actually it must have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
The man told his doctor that he wasn't
able to do all the things around the
house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said:
-
Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in
plain English what is wrong with me.
- Well, in plain English, the doctor
replied, you're just lazy.
- Okay,
said the man. Now give me the medical
term so I can tell my wife.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011
Two women came before wise King Solomon,
dragging between them a young man in a
three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer
agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY
daughter," said the other.
And so
they haggled before the king until he
called for silence.
"Bring me my
biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I
shall hew the young attorney in half.
Each of you shall receive a
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006
After school one day, a young
first-grade boy was sitting at the
kitchen table, eating his afternoon
snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the
teacher was asking me today if I have
any brothers or sisters who will be
coming to school."
The boy's mother
replied, "That's nice of her to take
such an interest, dear. What did she say
when you told her you are an only
child?"
She just said, "Thank
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Martie 2008
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
"Read
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint
it goes like this:
What Makes
100%? What does it mean to give MORE
than 100%? Ever wonder about those
people who say they are giving more than
100%? We have all been to those meetings
where someone wants you to give over
100%. How about achieving 103%? What
makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical
formula that might help you answer these
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 2 Noiembrie 2004
On some air bases, the Air Force is on
one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time
is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is
calling?"
The aircraft replied,
"What difference does it make?"
The
tower replied, "It makes a lot of
difference. If it is an American
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Iulie 2007
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were
waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers. The engineer
fumed:
- What's with these guys?
We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!
The doctor chimed in:
-
I don't know, but I've never
seen such ineptitude!
The pastor
said:
- Hey, here comes the greens
keeper. Let's have a word with
him.... Hi George! Say, what's
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
Each Friday night after work, Bubba
would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
venison steak. But all of Bubba's
neighbors were Catholic, and since it
was Lent, they were forbidden from
eating red meat on Friday.
The
delicious aroma from the grilled venison
steaks was causing such a problem for
the Catholic faithful that they finally
talked to their priest.
The priest
came to visit Bubba and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 8 Martie 2007

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a
Donkey from a farmer for $100. The
farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the
next day.
The next day he drove
up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some
bad News, the donkey died.' Chuck
replied, 'Well, then just give me my
money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't
do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just
bring me the dead
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 14 Octombrie 2008
WORDS
A husband read an article to
his wife about how many words women use
a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The
wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to
his wife and asked, 'What?'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 30 Mai 2010
I've sure gotten old. I've had two
bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and
take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Decembrie 2006