Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.......

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 18 Oct 2004

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.......

Friends of women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 [...]
banc precedent
Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
banc urmator

Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


How to avoid the flu

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 21 Ianuarie 2005


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said:
- Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.

To which the gentleman ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013


Error messages:
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
4. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
5. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
6. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
7. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004


Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Iunie 2007


All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton. Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting: 1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Septembrie 2005


George B.: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm telling you.
George B.: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
- Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008


Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg aplicatiile si programele.

COUNT DOWN......

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


A pickpocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes. "Mr. Brewster," the judge said, "you are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150."
After consulting with his client, Mr. Brewster's lawyer stood up and said, "Your Honor, my client is a little short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Martie 2007


A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife:
'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 3 Iunie 2008


My wife's family and I were at a Harding University football game. Every time someone carried the ball or made a tackle, the announcer would broadcast who had made the play.
Near the beginning of the third quarter after the announcer called a play, my niece, Madison, looked up at my wife and innocently asked, "Is that God talking?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 Noiembrie 2006