WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied,...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 30 Mai 2010

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their [...]
banc precedent
Teacher: - I killed a person. Tell me this sentence in future tense. Student: - In future tense: You will go to jail.
banc urmator

Then there was a man who said:
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006


First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them:
- In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed:
- What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
The doctor chimed in:
- I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
The pastor said:
- Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.... Hi George! Say, what's ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light was on." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 9 Mai 2007


Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then, in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
He says into the microphone, in a deep solemn voice...
"Just for a moment, think outside yourself... Outside this arena... Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish voice from near the front pierces the moment...
"Well, ya ****** ****, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Octombrie 2006


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
- You look tired, my son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be silly, the minister said. Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.
Again ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 3 Mai 2007


Headlines from the year 2029:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Martie 2006


A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 27 Ianuarie 2008


What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 17 August 2007


Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He
came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi,
because the Dracula was reancarnation in
a voievod. He came only at night.Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi, because the Dracula was reancarnation in a voievod. He came only at night. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Decembrie 2006


There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my shoes."
"Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007


Thirty lines to make you smile.

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Februarie 2006


Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:
- We have silver in our hair.
- We have gold in our teeth.
- We have stones in our kidneys.
- We have lead in our feet and.
- We are loaded with natural gas ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Februarie 2008


Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Decembrie 2007