CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 30 Mai 2010

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she...

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by [...]
banc precedent
WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their [...]
banc urmator

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007


Success is just like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you tried! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 24 Iulie 2009


Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007


A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed even more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007


01. While working with Mr. Ionescu, I have always found him
02. working studiously and sincerely at his table without
03. gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
04. wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
05. finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
06. deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
07. found chitchatting in the canteen. He ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011


Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006


Bula at the exam:
Teacher:
- Bula, I hope that this time I won't catch you cheating again!
Bula:
- I hope so too. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 August 2011


Answering Machine at the Mental Hospital:

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hospital.

-If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

-If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

-If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

-If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

-If you ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours.
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 22 Septembrie 2006


Dear God: My prayer for Next Year is for a fat bank account & a thin body.
Please don't mix these up like you did last year.
Thank you so much! Happy New Year! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Ianuarie 2011


There is this good old barber in one city in the US.
- One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Februarie 2006


Who's your best friend? Just try this experiment... Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Martie 2008


A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said:
- You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.
The cat thought for a minute and then said:
- All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.
God said:
- Say no more.
Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Martie 2005


- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007


School: Define The Following Terms

Antibody: Against everyone.
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Benign: What you've been after eight.
Cardiology: Advance study of poker playing.
Cat Scan: Searching for lost kitty.
Chronic: Neck of a crow.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Cyst: Short of sister.
Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.
Dislocation: In ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Martie 2005