An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus de: Elena pe data: 27 Ian 2009

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over.. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and [...]
banc precedent
This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: Q. What is an Economic Stimulus [...]
banc urmator

See if you can do this. Read each line aloud.

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word
in each line from the top.
Betcha you can't resist passing it on. LOL! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 21 Noiembrie 2011


Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says: Your money or your life!
An extremely long silence follows. Your money or your life!, the thug repeats. Finally Benny says: I am thinking! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said:
- If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


The slave driver of the Roman ship stared down at his slaves and yelled, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that you'll be getting double rations tonight."
The mumbling of the happy slaves was interrupted by the bellowing of the slave driver.
"The bad news is that the commander's son wants to water ski tomorrow morning." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 30 Noiembrie 2006


Round like a shotRound like a shot ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 2 Octombrie 2007


A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Noiembrie 2006


A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
- In English, he said, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Romanian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up:
- Yeah, right. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011


To do is to be. Socrate
To be is to do. Aristotel
Do be do be do. Sinatra ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 19 Decembrie 2005


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Aprilie 2011


News from Apple

Apple Computers announced today that is has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thank to Apple, everyone is now happy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Noiembrie 2007


Amazingly simple home remedies: <br>1.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
<br>2. Avoid arguments with the females
about lifting ...Amazingly simple home remedies:
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 9 Noiembrie 2008


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 30 Mai 2010


Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n <br>
<br>See for yourself what solution our
student has found. <br>... Also our
teacher's comment, written with red.Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n

See for yourself what solution our student has found.
... Also our teacher's comment, written with red. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006


I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've seen, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011