TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus de: Claudia pe data: 26 Nov 2008

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
banc precedent
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and [...]
banc urmator

FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages me back and begs to do ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005


A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but he eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007


On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015


The truth about working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
6. When you have to meet the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006


Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day.
- How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings? asks Joan.
- Oh, that's easy, replies Marianne. I just throw the cat on his bed.
- Why does that wake him up?
- He sleeps with the dog! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008


1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.

AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you are in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists.

This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk

This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy

Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough, the next morning, Jake was ready for school and he packed his lunch. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 12 Ianuarie 2007


A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents'
first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005


News from Heaven: Due to the current
financial crisis facing the world at the
moment, the light at the end of the
tunnel will be switched off to save on
electricity costs, until further ...News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.

Sincerely yours,
God ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 21 Noiembrie 2008


A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.

The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone.

The woman went on to tell us how upset she was ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006


About five years ago, the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time, so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand in starting the car.

I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Ianuarie 2008


Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play.
- Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.
- Chopin has always ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Noiembrie 2005


A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006