I just don't understand it, an Irish footballer complained... One match I play very well, and then the next match I'm...
propus: 30 Apr 2008
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and
ordered a couple of drinks. They then
take sandwiches from their briefcases
and began to eat.
Seeing this, the
angry publican approaches them and says,
'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own
sandwiches in here!'
The two look at
each other, shrug and exchange
sandwiches.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
Depression in the age of global
outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the
other day, so I called LifeLine. They
had recently outsourced, so I was put
through to their new Call Center in
Pakistan.
I explained that I was
feeling suicidal. They were very excited
to hear this and wanted to know if I
could drive a truck or fly an
airplane....
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
"What
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007
Recently while going through an airport
during one of his many trips, President
Bush encountered a man with long hair,
wearing a white robe, and sandals,
holding a staff.
President
Bush went up to the man and said,
"Aren't you Moses?" The man never
answered but just kept staring straight
ahead. Again the President said,
"Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just
kept staring ahead, never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Aprilie 2005
A few years ago, I decided to visit my
brother who was stationed in Germany. I
assumed that most Germans would speak
English. But I found that many people
spoke only their native tongue -
including the ticket inspector on the
train.
He punched my ticket, then
chatted cordially for a bit, making
gestures like a windmill. I simply
nodded from time to time to show him
that I was interested.
When
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Octombrie 2006
A new young bride calls her mother in
tears.
She sobs:
- Robert
doesn't appreciate what I do for
him.
- Now, now,. ..her mother
comforted, I am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding.
- No, mother, you
don't understand. I bought a frozen
turkey roll and he yelled and screamed
at me about the price!
- Well, the
nerve of that lousy cheapskate! says her
mom. Those turkey rolls are only
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible".
"Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008
After school one day, a young
first-grade boy was sitting at the
kitchen table, eating his afternoon
snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the
teacher was asking me today if I have
any brothers or sisters who will be
coming to school."
The boy's mother
replied, "That's nice of her to take
such an interest, dear. What did she say
when you told her you are an only
child?"
She just said, "Thank
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Martie 2008
1. Project Manager is a person who
thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
one month.
2. Developer is a person
who thinks it will take 18 months to
deliver a baby.
3. Onsite
Coordinator is one who thinks a single
woman can deliver nine babies in one
month.
4. Client is the one who
doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who
thinks he can deliver a baby even if
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Aprilie 2005
Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office"
E-Mail Auto-Reply:
- I am
currently out at a job interview and
will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.
- I'm not really out of the
office. I'm just ignoring you.
- You are receiving this automatic
notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you
wouldn't have received anything at
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
A young husband comes home one night,
and his wife throws her arms around his
neck: "Darling, I have great news:
I'm a month overdue. I think
we're going to have a baby! The
doctor gave me a test today, but until
we find out for sure, we can't tell
anybody."
The next day, a guy
from the electric company rings the
door-bell, because the young couple
hasn't paid their last bill:
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
There were these three nuns that were
killed in a traffic accident, and
immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their
files, he said, "You ladies have been
very good, but before I can let you in,
you have to answer a question." So he
asks the first nun,
- "What was the
name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights
started flashing,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Iunie 2006
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid
Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and
you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004
In an airplane the captain tells the
passengers:
- This is your captain
speaking. We are losing altitude and we
do not have enough fuel to reach land.
Therefore, we have to let all the
baggage leave the airplane.
The
airplane gains altitude again. Half an
hour later the airplane begins losing
altitude again and the captain is on the
loudspeakers once more:
- This is
your captain speaking. We
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 31 Iulie 2006