Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much...

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: - In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005

Sweetheart: I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart. Your husband, Allen ... His wife replied back after some days to her husband: Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details: 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk. 2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses. 3. Your house owner ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 13 Septembrie 2005

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to eat. - I would have some ****** French toast, he says. The mother is outraged at his language and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. - Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me, he says. She is livid and sends him away. Finally she ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart! Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: This is her husband! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007

A new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs: - Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him. - Now, now,. ..her mother comforted, I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding. - No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price! - Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate! says her mom. Those turkey rolls are only a ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 12 Aprilie 2005

News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice. Sincerely yours, God ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 21 Noiembrie 2008

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Answer: It's Christmas, Eve! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing. As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway. She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Iunie 2007

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005

Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish. One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man: - That's the most amazing thing I've seen, I ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011

Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011

My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said: - I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it! I replied: - Aren't you talking on it!? There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by: - You are NOT going to tell anybody ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Februarie 2008