A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck...
Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
propus: 3 Dec 2007
A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down.
banc precedent Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as Area 51? Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were [...]
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FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages me back and begs to do ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed:
- What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
The doctor chimed in:
- I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
The pastor said:
- Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.... Hi George! Say, what's ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
A man called 911 and said, "Someone come quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open and a mouse ran down her throat!"
The operator replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth and maybe the mouse will come out. An ambulance is on the way."
When the ambulance arrived, the EMT found the man waving a fish over his wife's mouth.
"What on earth are you ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."
"OK, darling," said Bill, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news."
"OK," agreed Sally. "Well, the air bag works!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 August 2008
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005
People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes.
People who do less work... make less mistakes.
People who do no work... make no mistakes.
People who make no mistakes... gets promoted.
That's why I spend most of my time sending e-mails & playing games at work... I need a promotion. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Ianuarie 2005
Ten Things men know for sure about women.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Women have breasts. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 August 2007
A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006
A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 August 2007
Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following comments:
"The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 3 Aprilie 2009
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find
North America. MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006