A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck...
Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
propus: 3 Dec 2007
A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down.
banc precedent Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as Area 51? Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were [...]
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A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. He hangs and hangs an finally yells out: "Is there anybody up there who can help me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps calling and calling. "Is there anybody up there who can help me?".
Finally this big ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007
A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 August 2007
Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician?
A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008
After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."
The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?"
She just said, "Thank ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Martie 2008
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 August 2007
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but I nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T Error? What's that, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Iunie 2007
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I am having hallucinations," he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after a bit, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
OK, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008
Who's your best friend? Just try this experiment... Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Martie 2008
A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Noiembrie 2006
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find
North America. MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Noiembrie 2005
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours.
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 22 Septembrie 2006
One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists.
This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk
This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy
Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough, the next morning, Jake was ready for school and he packed his lunch. ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 12 Ianuarie 2007