My grandmother is a computer geek. She also has trouble remembering quickly sometimes. One day she couldn't think of what she...

News from Apple

Apple Computers announced today that is has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thank to Apple, everyone is now happy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Noiembrie 2007

21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS...

Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies - ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 20 Iulie 2005

Who's your best friend? Just try this experiment... Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Martie 2008

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said:
- Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied:
- Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly:
- Good choice; the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop says:
- You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005

Drug-dealers vs software developers.

Drug dealers - Refer to their clients as "users".
Software developers - Refer to their clients as "users".

Drug dealers - "The first one's free!"
Software developers - "Download a free trial version..."

Drug dealers - Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important South-East Asian ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006

My grandmother is a computer geek. She also has trouble remembering quickly sometimes. One day she couldn't think of what she wanted to tell us.
Mom explained, "Your grandma is trying to retrieve the information, but it is taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't defragmented her hard drive lately." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 8 Octombrie 2007

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them:
- In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007

Five Jews changed the way you see the world...
- Moses: The Law is everything.
- Jesus: Love is everything.
- Marx: Money is everything.
- Freud: Sex is everything.
- Einstein: Everything is relative. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Februarie 2005

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Iulie 2007

The truth about working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
6. When you have to meet the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008

- What is the longest word in the English language?
- It is the word "smiles", because there is a mile between the first letter and the last! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 20 Octombrie 2013

There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, "You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question." So he asks the first nun,
- "What was the name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights started flashing, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Iunie 2006