After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 22 Aug 2007

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"

A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. [...]
banc precedent
A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one? The marriage officer said: Your requirements [...]
banc urmator

Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007


Ten Things men know for sure about women.
1.
2.
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10. Women have breasts. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 August 2007


Depression in the age of global outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the other day, so I called LifeLine. They had recently outsourced, so I was put through to their new Call Center in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited to hear this and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane.... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007


A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005


An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak, something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


A new store named Husband-Mart opened. Husband-Mart is a store where women can go and choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flight of stairs. There is, however, a catch. AS you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 30 Noiembrie 2004


A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
- You all have obsessions, he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said:
- You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.
He turned to the second Mom, Ann:
- Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.
He turns to the third ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 Ianuarie 2007


Man: God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of years?
God: A second.
Man: And a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 27 Octombrie 2005


An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."


All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006


A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Iunie 2007


Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
- You look tired, my son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be silly, the minister said. Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.
Again ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 3 Mai 2007


Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 7 Martie 2005


Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010