You Know You Have a Bad Computer When... 10. The lower corner of screen has the words Etch A Sketch on it. 9. When you insert...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 20 Aug 2007

You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from it.
3. The screen frequently freezes and a message comes up: "Ain't it break time, Chester?"
2. While running, it emits deafening calliope music.
1. It cyber-snickers at you.

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
banc precedent
A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. [...]
banc urmator

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Mai 2007


Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n <br>
<br>See for yourself what solution our
student has found. <br>... Also our
teacher's comment, written with red.Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n

See for yourself what solution our student has found.
... Also our teacher's comment, written with red. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006


A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
- Have you any grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 16 Ianuarie 2007


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009


The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 Octombrie 2006


A pickpocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes. "Mr. Brewster," the judge said, "you are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150."
After consulting with his client, Mr. Brewster's lawyer stood up and said, "Your Honor, my client is a little short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Martie 2007


Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises."
The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?"
"Twenty-six," I replied. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008


Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton. Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting: 1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Septembrie 2005


A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005


There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 23 Februarie 2007


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006


1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Aprilie 2005


1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

4. A penny saved is a government ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005


What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 1 Martie 2005