If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, itwill always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to...

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009

Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar. One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like him. “Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?” “Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in the face. How ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 24 August 2008

After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?" She just said, "Thank ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Martie 2008

One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. "We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 30 Ianuarie 2007

Success is just like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you tried! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 24 Iulie 2009

A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?" "Yes," she replied, "I found ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005

I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate. The picture below has two identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 25 Martie 2008

FINAL EXAM The student reports for his university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done, whereas the rest of the ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004

A property manager of an apartment complex was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Aprilie 2008

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 10 Iulie 2007

A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?" "Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play. Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?" "Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play." Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?" "Yes, son, ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008

Woman's revenge... - Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. - So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked. - No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010

Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. "I'm here to do my postnatal exercises." The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?" "Twenty-six," I replied. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008

Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"? Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Decembrie 2007