A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and...
propus: 8 Aug 2007
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
beer."
The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She opened the door to
the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland,
Japan, India, etc.
The husband
didn't know what to do, and the only
thing that he could think of saying was,
"Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You
know... they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the
sentence, because the wife interrupted
him by saying, "You want a frozen glass,
Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug
out of the freezer, so frozen that she
was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale,
said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar
they have those hors d'oeuvres that are
really delicious... I won't be long.
I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie
Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out
5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres:
chicken wings, pigs in blankets,
mushroom caps, and little quiches.
"But my sweet honey... at the
bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty
words and all that..."
"You want
dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP
CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT
THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR
FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES
BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO
A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT,
JACKASS?"
And they lived happily
ever after.
Isn't that a sweet
story?
In order to assure the highest level of quality work and productivity from employees it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING [...]
banc precedent Ten Things men know for sure about women. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Women have breasts.
banc urmator
Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and
Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said:
- I
believe myself to be the most beautiful
girl in the world.
Tom Thumb said:
- I must be the smallest person in
the world.
Quasimodo said:
- I
absolutely have to be the ugliest person
in the world.
They decided to
go to the Guinness Book of World Records
to have their claims verified.
Sleeping
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 15 Martie 2005
Students at a school were asked to write
about the harmful effects of oil on
fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When
my mom opened a tin of sardines last
night, it was full of oil and all the
sardines were dead."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007
Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru,
concluded his monthly bulletin (June
2008) with the following comments:
"The federal government is sending
each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend
that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes
to China. If we spend it on gasoline it
goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer,
it will go to India. If we purchase
fruits and vegetables it will go to
Mexico, Honduras and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 3 Aprilie 2009
The phone rang. It was a salesman from a
mortgage refinance company. "Do you have
a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like
to consolidate all your debts?"
"I
really don't have any," I said.
"How
about freeing up cash for home
improvements?" he tried.
"I don't
need any. I just recently had some done
and paid cash," I parried.
There was
a brief silence, and then he
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Februarie 2007
"In Italy for thirty years under the
Borgias they had warfare, terror,
murder, bloodshed; they produced
Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the
Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had
brotherly love, five hundred years of
democracy and peace, and what did they
produce? The cuckoo clock!"
Orson
Welles
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005

Amazingly simple home remedies:
1.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females
about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink.
3. For high blood pressure
sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the
pressure on your veins. Remember to use
a timer.
4. A mouse
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 9 Noiembrie 2008
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful
daughters but always talked about having
a son. They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The
wife got pregnant and delivered a
healthy baby boy. The joyful father
rushed to the nursery to see his new
son. He was horrified at the ugliest
child he had ever seen.
He told his
wife:
'There's no way I can be the
father of this baby.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 3 Iunie 2008
My grandmother is a computer geek. She
also has trouble remembering quickly
sometimes. One day she couldn't think of
what she wanted to tell us.
Mom
explained, "Your grandma is trying to
retrieve the information, but it is
taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't
defragmented her hard drive lately."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 8 Octombrie 2007
One night while I was cat-sitting my
daughter's indoor feline, it escaped
outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast
clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in
a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
I called the fire department.
"We
don't do that anymore," the woman
dispatcher said. When I persisted, she
was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 30 Ianuarie 2007
In a class on abnormal psychology, the
instructor was about to introduce the
subject of manic depression.
The
instructor asked, "How would you
diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth, screaming at the top of his lungs
one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
A young
man in the rear raised his hand and
suggested earnestly, "A basketball
coach?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Decembrie 2006
A Chinese couple got married. When a
baby girl was born, her eyes were big
and blue, hair was curly and blonde,
skin was brown. Finally, the father
named the baby SUM TING RONG."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Septembrie 2006
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to
understand women.
I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
Software
developers - Refer to their clients as
"users".
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
Software
developers - "Download a free trial
version..."
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006
Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the
younger generations:
- We have
silver in our hair.
- We have gold
in our teeth.
- We have stones in
our kidneys.
- We have lead in our
feet and.
- We are loaded with
natural gas
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Februarie 2008
You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has
the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9.
When you insert a disk, it spits out a
pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to
pedal it.
7. The manual contains one
sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only
chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in
the neighborhood start howling.
4.
You catch a virus from
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007