Woman = Time * Money Time = Money Woman = Money * Money Money = root of all problems Woman = Problems.
propus: 14 Iul 2007
I was out walking with my 4 year old
daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my
daughter asked. "Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it'sdirty and probably has germs"
I replied. At this point, my daughter
looked at me with total admiration and ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007
My wife's family and I were at a Harding
University football game. Every time
someone carried the ball or made a
tackle, the announcer would broadcast
who had made the play.
beginning of the third quarter after the
announcer called a play, my niece,
Madison, looked up at my wife and
innocently asked, "Is that God talking?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 Noiembrie 2006
George Bush is visiting the Queen of
England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how
do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the
most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.
"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the
people around me are really
The Queen takes a
sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Iulie 2006
With a couple celebrating their 50th
anniversary at the church's marriage
marathon, the minister asked Brother
Ralph to take a few minutes and share
some insight into how he managed to live
with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the
audience, "Well, I treated her with
respect, spent money on her, but mostly
I took her traveling on special
The minister ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of
Caller: I'm trying
to reach nine eleven but my phone
doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I though you just said it
ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are
the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may
be old, but I'm not stupid. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid
Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and
you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in
the Caribbean. The lawyer said:
here because my house burned down, and
everything I owned was destroyed by the
fire. The insurance company paid for
"That's quite a
coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm
here because my house and all my
belongings were destroyed by a flood,
and my insurance company also paid for
The lawyer ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007
- Bless me Father, for I have sinned
with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is
that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was
the woman you were with?
- I can't
tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin
- Well, Johnny, I'm
sure to find out her name sooner or
later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
- ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006
When you have an "I hate My Job" day,
On your way home from
work, stop at your pharmacy and go to
the thermometer section and purchase a
rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson. Be very sure you get this
brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing
and sit in your ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006
A boy who was a witness to a crime was
called to testify in court. He was
approached by the defense attorney who
asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say
"Yes, sir," answered the
"I thought so," said the
attorney. "Who was it?"
"And what did he tell you?"
the attorney asked accusingly.
said that the lawyers would try to get
me all tangled up, but if I ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Noiembrie 2006
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about
something. Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies."
A voice from
the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007