On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 10 Iul 2007

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to 'Happy Hour.'"

A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included 20 Admirals from the US, English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a reception, he found himself standing with a huge [...]
banc precedent
On a sunny morning, William's mother came into her son's room and said, William, it's Sunday. Time to get up! Time to get up and go to church! Get up! From under the covers came mumbles, I [...]
banc urmator

A dog looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...I must be a god!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005


I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different fabrics of curtains she finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they for?"
She says, "It's ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Noiembrie 2005


There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 20 Octombrie 2005


Dear God: My prayer for Next Year is for a fat bank account & a thin body.
Please don't mix these up like you did last year.
Thank you so much! Happy New Year! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Ianuarie 2011


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010


A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Iunie 2007


Teacher:
- I killed a person. Tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student:
- In future tense: You will go to jail. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 19 Decembrie 2010


"Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth: sense of humor."
Anonymous ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005


I am not sure exactly how this works,
but this is amazingly accurate.  <br>The
picture below has two identical dolphins
in it. It was used in a case study on
stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and
later ...I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate.
The picture below has two identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington.
Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 25 Martie 2008


About five years ago, the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time, so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand in starting the car.

I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Ianuarie 2008


Little Logan and his family were having Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated round the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
- Logan, wait until we say our prayer, his mother reminded him.
- I don't need to, the little boy replied.
- Of course you do! his mother insisted, We say a prayer before ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 21 Noiembrie 2006


The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.

The fans are delighted, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Februarie 2006


Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007


A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play.

Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play."

Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?"
"Yes, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008