A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included 20 Admirals from the US, English, Canadian, Australian and...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 4 Iul 2007

A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included 20 Admirals from the US, English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.
At a reception, he found himself standing with a huge group of officers that included personnel from most of the countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked:
"Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied:
"Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German".
You could've heard a pin drop...

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved [...]
banc precedent
On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an [...]
banc urmator

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you.
The next day I stopped eating red meat.

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
This morning I stopped reading. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 25 Aprilie 2005


There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, "You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question." So he asks the first nun,
- "What was the name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights started flashing, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Iunie 2006


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop says:
- You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005


When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire
from public life, the British ambassador
and his wife threw a gala dinner party
in his honor. At the dinner table, the
Ambassador’s wife was talking ...When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle:
- Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Martie 2009


An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."


All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006


Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007


21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS...

Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies - ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 20 Iulie 2005


A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story

This is classic - a true story, proving how fascinating is the mind of a six year old. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya ********!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007


A new young bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs:
- Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him.
- Now, now,. ..her mother comforted, I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.
- No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!
- Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate! says her mom. Those turkey rolls are only ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
- Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008


A dog looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...I must be a god!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005


There is this good old barber in one city in the US.
- One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Februarie 2006