The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are: 3. Tele-fax 2. Tele-phone 1. Tell-a-woman Need it faster? Ask her not...
propus: 24 Iun 2007
A few years ago, I decided to visit my
brother who was stationed in Germany. I
assumed that most Germans would speak
English. But I found that many people
spoke only their native tongue -
including the ticket inspector on the
train.
He punched my ticket, then
chatted cordially for a bit, making
gestures like a windmill. I simply
nodded from time to time to show him
that I was interested.
When
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Octombrie 2006
A mother and a daughter are shopping in
the mall, when the mother eyes an
expensive fur coat.
"This year," she
says, "I think that I will buy my
present instead of making you and Dad
shop for me." The daughter nods in
agreement. "And I think this fur coat
would be perfect too."
The daughter
protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor
creature has to suffer so that you can
have this."
"Don't worry,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Februarie 2008
Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or
charge? I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase.
As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in
her purse.
- So, do you always carry
your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she
replied, but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, and I figured this was
the most evil thing I could do to him
legally.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is
pregnant.
Shouting, crying, the
mother says, "Who did this to you? I
want to know!"
The girl picks up the
phone and makes a call. Half an hour
later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
you cry.
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
A simple
friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real
friend has their phone numbers in his
address book.
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005
When the new patient was settled
comfortably on the couch, the
psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the
doctor said. "So perhaps, you should
start at the very beginning."
"Of
course," replied the patient. "In the
beginning, I created the heavens and the
earth..."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007
A ragged individual stranded for several
months on a small desert island in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a
bottle lying in the sand with a piece of
paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he
pulled out the cork and with shaking
hands withdrew the message.
"Due to
lack of maintenance," he read, "we
regretfully have found it necessary to
cancel your e-mail account."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Mai 2007
Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on
gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan
several years before the Afghan
conflict. She noted that women
customarily walked about 5 paces
behind their husbands. She returned to
Kabul recently and observed that women
still walk behind their husbands, but
now seem to walk even further back and
are happy with the old custom.
Ms.
Walters approached one of
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive
at the Italian border.
The Italian
Customs Officer stops them and tells
them:
- It's a illegala to put a
cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do
you mean it's illegal? asks the German
driver.
- Quattro meansa four,
replies the Italian official.
-
Quattro is just ze name of ze
automobile!, the German says
unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze
car is
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006
A man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
Marriage
is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
When a woman
steals your husband, there is no better
revenge than to let her keep him.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
beer."
The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 August 2007
Once upon a time there were two
brothers.
One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into
trouble.
The other brother,
however, was very good. He was always
kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbors, and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers
stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy
drinker and a womanizer.
The
other brother was a
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 6 Aprilie 2006