The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are: 3. Tele-fax 2. Tele-phone 1. Tell-a-woman Need it faster? Ask her not...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 24 Iun 2007

The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman
Need it faster? Ask her not to tell anyone!

- 25th Wedding Anniversary - At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long [...]
banc precedent
A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved [...]
banc urmator

A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play.

Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play."

Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?"
"Yes, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008


A dog walks into an employment agency and says:
- I'd like to get a job please.
The guy at the employment agency says:
- Wow, you could easily get a job at the circus, with your talents!
The dog replys:
- What would the circus want with a plumber? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013


Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."
"OK, darling," said Bill, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news."
"OK," agreed Sally. "Well, the air bag works!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 August 2008


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 30 Mai 2010


As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me forwards over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 19 Decembrie 2005


Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said:
- Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied:
- Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly:
- Good choice; the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006


During a taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between a C ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 25 Martie 2008


1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Aprilie 2005


Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician?
A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008


All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton. Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting: 1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Septembrie 2005


1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

4. A penny saved is a government ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005


21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS...

Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies - ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 20 Iulie 2005


First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them:
- In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007