The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are: 3. Tele-fax 2. Tele-phone 1. Tell-a-woman Need it faster? Ask her not...

Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007

Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says: Your money or your life!
An extremely long silence follows. Your money or your life!, the thug repeats. Finally Benny says: I am thinking! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006

Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Decembrie 2007

Year 1981 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Pope Died.

Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope Died.

*** In Future,
if Charles wants to re-marry
or Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR POPE....!! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005

Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."
"OK, darling," said Bill, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news."
"OK," agreed Sally. "Well, the air bag works!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 August 2008

In order to assure the highest level of quality work and productivity from employees it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T) ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007

My grandmother is a computer geek. She also has trouble remembering quickly sometimes. One day she couldn't think of what she wanted to tell us.
Mom explained, "Your grandma is trying to retrieve the information, but it is taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't defragmented her hard drive lately." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 8 Octombrie 2007

A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included 20 Admirals from the US, English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.
At a reception, he found himself standing with a huge group of officers that included personnel from most of the countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Iulie 2007

Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
- In English, he said, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Romanian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up:
- Yeah, right. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011

My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said:
- I know I had my cell phone with me. And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking on it!?
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by:
- You are NOT going to tell ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Februarie 2008

A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006

Subject on a math test...
Solve the problem: find x on the triangle.
Answer: see for yourself!! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 3 Octombrie 2005

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry me?" The girl said "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.
THE END ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Ianuarie 2006

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey
curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 August 2008