My sister, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her,...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 13 Iun 2007

My sister, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men." Perfect, my sister thought, and took the dog.
Then one day, two men in a parking lot approached her, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer [...]
banc precedent
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and [...]
banc urmator

An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak, something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
- Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was the woman you were with?
- I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
- Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
- ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006


Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006


I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005


One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists.

This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk

This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy

Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough, the next morning, Jake was ready for school and he packed his lunch. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 12 Ianuarie 2007


Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006


A blonde at the grocery store:
- I would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4 onions.
- I can help you with the tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with the onions...
- Ok... than I'll have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2 onions.
- I see you don't understand me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes, but I have no onions.
- I see... then I'll have a tomato, a potato and an onion.
- Ok, let's do this ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007


A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 27 Ianuarie 2008


The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman
Need it faster? Ask her not to tell anyone! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 24 Iunie 2007


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
- Have you any grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 16 Ianuarie 2007


This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.
- - - - - - - - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 21 Noiembrie 2006


What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 1 Martie 2005


I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.

My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008


I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've seen, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011