A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle...
propus: 23 Mai 2007
Concerned about fitness in my middle
40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To
my dismay I walked into a room filled
with much younger women and decided to
combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal
exercises."
The instructor gave me
an appraising look. "How old is your
baby?"
"Twenty-six," I replied.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008
A blonde at the grocery store:
- I
would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4
onions.
- I can help you with the
tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with
the onions...
- Ok... than I'll
have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2
onions.
- I see you don't understand
me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes,
but I have no onions.
- I see...
then I'll have a tomato, a potato and an
onion.
- Ok, let's do this
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007
A hamster and a rat were sitting on the
side of a swimming pool. They were
enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat
turned to the hamster and asked him:
Dude,
How come people
consider me a noisance, and you a pet?
How come people pay money to have
you, while they are trying to kill me?
How come you are considered a cute
little animal, while I am considered
creepy and disgusting?
How come you
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004
An engineer dies and reports to Heaven.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the
wrong place."
So the engineer
reports to Hell and is let in. Pretty
soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in Hell, and
starts designing and building
improvements. After a while, they've got
air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president
Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by
saying:
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the
president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching
as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and
asks:
- How many is a brazillion?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Octombrie 2005
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
Software
developers - Refer to their clients as
"users".
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
Software
developers - "Download a free trial
version..."
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus
stop with their 9 children. A blind man
joins them after a few minutes. When the
bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the 9 kids are able to
fit onto the bus.
So the
husband and the blind man decide to
walk. After a while, the husband gets
irritated by the ticking of the stick of
the blind man as he taps it on the
sidewalk, and says
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006
Thirty lines to make you smile.
1.. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought he was
God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer
from insanity; I enjoy every minute of
it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions
On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some
people are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to
have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Februarie 2006
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
I never
think of the future. It comes soon
enough.
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
education.
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
the universe.
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
There is this good old barber in one
city in the US.
- One day a florist
goes to him for a haircut. After the
cut, he goes to pay the barber and the
barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot
accept money from you. I am doing
community service." The Florist is happy
and leaves the shop. The next morning
when the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a thank you card and a dozen
roses waiting at his
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Februarie 2006
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the
banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits
of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful
years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage
is the best teacher of all. It teaches
you loyalty,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in
the Caribbean. The lawyer said:
"I'm
here because my house burned down, and
everything I owned was destroyed by the
fire. The insurance company paid for
everything."
"That's quite a
coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm
here because my house and all my
belongings were destroyed by a flood,
and my insurance company also paid for
everything."
The lawyer
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007
A new missionary recruit went to
Venezuela for the first time. He was
struggling with the language and didn't
understand a whole lot of what was going
on. Intending to visit one of the local
churches, he got lost, but he eventually
got back on track and found the place.
Having arrived late, the church was
already packed. The only pew left was
the one on the front row.
So as
not to make a fool
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
beer."
The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 August 2007