10 WAYS THE BIBLE WOULD BE DIFFERENT (If Written By College Students) 10. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -...
propus: 17 Mai 2007
10 WAYS THE BIBLE WOULD BE DIFFERENT (If
Written By College Students) Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth. Dentist: You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist. Man: Yes, I [...]
10. Last Supper would have been
eaten the next morning - cold.
The Ten Commandments are actually only
five, double-spaced, and written in a
8. New edition every two
years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been
eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans
becomes Paul's e-mail to
5. Reason Cain
killed Abel: They were roommates.
The place where the end of the world
occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
Out go the mules, in come the mountain
2. Reason why Moses and
followers walked in desert for 40 years:
They didn't want to ask directions and
look like freshmen.
1. Instead of
God creating the world in six days and
resting on the seventh, He would have
put it off until the night before it was
due and then pulled an all-nighter.
banc precedent A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, [...]
George Bush is visiting the Queen of
England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how
do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the
most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.
"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the
people around me are really
The Queen takes a
sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Iulie 2006
Well, it appears our African-American
friends have found yet something else to
be pissed about. A black congresswoman
reportedly complained that the names of
hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding
names. She would prefer some names that
reflect African-American culture such as
Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal,
and Jamal. She would also like the
weather reports to be broadcast in
language that ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 20 Februarie 2007
Three engineering students were gathered
together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
said, "It was a mechanical engineer."
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical
The last one said,
"Actually it must have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
People who do lots of work... make lots
People who do less
work... make less mistakes.
who do no work... make no mistakes.
People who make no mistakes... gets
That's why I spend
most of my time sending e-mails &
playing games at work... I need a
promotion. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Ianuarie 2005
The Programmer's drinking song:
99 little bugs in the code,
bugs in the code,
Fix one bug,
compile it again,
101 little bugs
in the code.
101 little bugs in the
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Octombrie 2006
An American tourist in London found
himself needing to take a leak,
something terrible. After a long search
he just couldn't find any public
bathroom to relieve himself. So he went
down one of the side streets to take
care of business. Just as he was
unzipping, a London police officer
"Look here, old chap,
what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
A real estate agent had just closed his
first deal, only to discover that the
piece of land he had sold was completely
going to come back here pretty mad," he
said to his boss. "Should I give him his
roared the boss. "What kind of salesman
are you? Get out there and sell him a
houseboat!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Noiembrie 2006
A man walks into a bar and he's really
pissed. The bartender gives him a drink
and asks what the problem is. All he
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are
you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006
In order to assure the highest level of
quality work and productivity from
employees it will be our policy to keep
all employees well trained through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
TRAINING (S.H.I.T) ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007
Answering Machine at the Mental
Hello, and welcome to
the mental health hospital.
you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
-If you are
co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2 for you.
-If you have
multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and
-If you are paranoid, we
know who you are and what you want. Stay
on the line so we can trace your call.
-If you ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
A man walks along a lonely beach.
Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I
am having hallucinations," he thinks.
Then he hears the voice again: I SAID,
So he starts to dig in the sand
with his bare hands, and after a bit, he
finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
the man thinks, let's open the thing. He
finds a rock with ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008
As the holidays approach, my heartfelt
appreciation goes out to all of you who
have taken the time and trouble to send
me forwards over the past 12 months.
Thank you for making me feel safe,
secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the
one about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a
wet towel every time I need to seal an
Also, I scrub ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 19 Decembrie 2005
Late one night, a man walks into a
dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist.
You need a psychiatrist."
Dentist: "So why did you
come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light
was on." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 9 Mai 2007