Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth. Dentist: You...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 9 Mai 2007

Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light was on."

Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish. One 11-year-old wrote, When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines [...]
banc precedent
10 WAYS THE BIBLE WOULD BE DIFFERENT (If Written By College Students) 10. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold. 9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, [...]
banc urmator

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006


Teacher:
- I killed a person. Tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student:
- In future tense: You will go to jail. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 19 Decembrie 2010


After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 August 2007


Drug-dealers vs software developers.

Drug dealers - Refer to their clients as "users".
Software developers - Refer to their clients as "users".

Drug dealers - "The first one's free!"
Software developers - "Download a free trial version..."

Drug dealers - Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important South-East Asian ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006


Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them:
- It's a illegala to put a cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do you mean it's illegal? asks the German driver.
- Quattro meansa four, replies the Italian official.
- Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile!, the German says unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze car is ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006


You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007


Headlines from the year 2029:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Martie 2006


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010


Why did the woman cross the Road?

Never mind that - what I would like to know is what she was doing out of the kitchen, in the first place! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013


The Programmer's drinking song:

99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Octombrie 2006


Dear God: My prayer for Next Year is for a fat bank account & a thin body.
Please don't mix these up like you did last year.
Thank you so much! Happy New Year! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Ianuarie 2011


A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Noiembrie 2006


Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
1) That’s not right = Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive = Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP = Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man = Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach = Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table = Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift = Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s Very dark in here = Wai So Dim
10) ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006


A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train.
He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.
When ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Octombrie 2006


Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:
- Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Septembrie 2007