First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 2 Mai 2007

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them:
- In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck hisfinger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck hisfinger in his mouth:
- Go ahead and do the same thing, he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them:
- The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would [...]
banc precedent
A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. - You look tired, my son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest a [...]
banc urmator

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession, even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 25 Septembrie 2008


- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
- Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was the woman you were with?
- I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
- Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
- ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 August 2007


Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007


There are 2 people always next to you:
<br>The Manager, smiling pleasantly to
hide evil intentions! <br>The Team
Leader, busy figuring out what work to
dump on you next... <br>And, there's
YOU, who struggles ...There are 2 people always next to you:
The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide evil intentions!
The Team Leader, busy figuring out what work to dump on you next...
And, there's YOU, who struggles with it all! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 22 Iunie 2008


Why did the woman cross the Road?

Never mind that - what I would like to know is what she was doing out of the kitchen, in the first place! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013


A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whisky.
After getting him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and the worm dies ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 8 Decembrie 2006


News from Apple

Apple Computers announced today that is has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thank to Apple, everyone is now happy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Noiembrie 2007


The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Februarie 2007


Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Bill and Diane were in a terrible accident and Diane's face was severely burned.

The doctor told Bill that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

So Bill offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


Positive Thinking Poem...

Little birdy in the sky,
You look up and it shits in your eye
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't fly... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006


Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes....... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my shoes."
"Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007