First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 2 Mai 2007

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them:
- In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck hisfinger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck hisfinger in his mouth:
- Go ahead and do the same thing, he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them:
- The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would [...]
banc precedent
A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. - You look tired, my son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest a [...]
banc urmator

There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, "You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question." So he asks the first nun,
- "What was the name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights started flashing, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Iunie 2006


Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006


A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes.
People who do less work... make less mistakes.
People who do no work... make no mistakes.
People who make no mistakes... gets promoted.
That's why I spend most of my time sending e-mails & playing games at work... I need a promotion. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Ianuarie 2005


Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.

Your husband,
Allen

...
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 13 Septembrie 2005


Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician?
A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008


I am rejecting your rejection

Dear Sir / Madam
Thank you for your letter of 4 September 2003. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 8 Martie 2005


THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry me?" The girl said "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.
THE END ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Ianuarie 2006


These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours.
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 22 Septembrie 2006


On a sunny morning, William's mother came into her son's room and said, "William, it's Sunday. Time to get up! Time to get up and go to church! Get up!"
From under the covers came mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
"What do you mean?" she said. "That's silly! Now get up and get dressed and go to church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll give you two reasons. I don't like them and they don't like ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007


Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007


Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


In an airplane the captain tells the passengers:
- This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage leave the airplane.
The airplane gains altitude again. Half an hour later the airplane begins losing altitude again and the captain is on the loudspeakers once more:
- This is your captain speaking. We ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 31 Iulie 2006


From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 2 Noiembrie 2004


How to avoid the flu

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 21 Ianuarie 2005