Basic philosophy in BIG 4: - Ernst & Young = Dead & Young - PriceWaterhouseCoopers = Prices are everything, no water, no house,...

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 August 2007

Amazingly simple home remedies:
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 9 Noiembrie 2008

A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Noiembrie 2006

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
- You all have obsessions, he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said:
- You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.
He turned to the second Mom, Ann:
- Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.
He turns to the third ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 Ianuarie 2007

Little Logan and his family were having Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated round the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
- Logan, wait until we say our prayer, his mother reminded him.
- I don't need to, the little boy replied.
- Of course you do! his mother insisted, We say a prayer before ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 21 Noiembrie 2006

Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Wire telegraph is a kind of a very, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005

At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya ********!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees the little girl being attacked by a pitbull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeds in killing the dog and saving the girls live.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says:
- You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's life"
- But ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 3 Mai 2006

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 17 August 2007

Dear God: My prayer for Next Year is for a fat bank account & a thin body.
Please don't mix these up like you did last year.
Thank you so much! Happy New Year! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Ianuarie 2011

- Are you sure this is british beef?
- Of horse it is! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Aprilie 2013

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
- In English, he said, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Romanian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up:
- Yeah, right. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011

Many hymnals have a hymn called "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear."

It seems that one week when the church secretary was typing the Sunday
bulletin, she asked the pastor which hymn would come just before the
sermon. He replied with the above-mentioned hymn.

The following Sunday the bulletin read:

Hymn No. 134: "Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 16 Octombrie 2008