A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the...
propus: 8 Sep 2004
A hamster and a rat were sitting on the
side of a swimming pool. They were
enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat
turned to the hamster and asked him:
Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their [...]
How come people
consider me a noisance, and you a pet?
How come people pay money to have
you, while they are trying to kill me?
How come you are considered a cute
little animal, while I am considered
creepy and disgusting?
How come you
live in a warm home, and I have to stay
in the sewer?
So the hamster
answered: "It is branding, dude."
banc precedent On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, You may [...]
Manning the computer help desk for the
local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took
the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.
- Can I
talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm
sorry, the caller said. That was rude of
me. What I meant to say was, could I
talk to someone who actually knows
something? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of
Caller: I'm trying
to reach nine eleven but my phone
doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I though you just said it
ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are
the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may
be old, but I'm not stupid. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
News from Apple
announced today that is has developed a
computer chip that can store and play
music in women's breast implants.
The iBoob will cost between $499 and
This is considered to be
a major breakthrough, because women are
always complaining about men staring at
their breasts and not listening to them.
Thank to Apple, everyone is now
happy. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Noiembrie 2007
You are driving along in your car on a
wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus
stop, and you see three people waiting
for the bus:
1. An old lady who
looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you
have been dreaming about.
would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing that there could only be one
passenger in your car. ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
guy notices the other has a black eye,
just like him.
how’d you get your shiner?”
“Well, I was at the train station,
and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And
instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I
slipped and said ‘two PICKets to
TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in
the ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 24 August 2008
My girlfriend called me as she was
driving to an appointment. She arrived,
and I could tell from her voice that she
was getting frustrated. Finally she
- I know I had my cell phone
with me. And
now I can't find it!
- Aren't you talking
There was a solid period of
stunned silence as the reality of the
situation sank in - followed by:
You are NOT going to tell ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Februarie 2008
Once upon a time there were two
One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into
The other brother,
however, was very good. He was always
kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbors, and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers
stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy
drinker and a womanizer.
other brother was a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 6 Aprilie 2006
Before I lay me down
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep,
handsome, smart and strong
loves to listen long,
One who thinks
before he speaks,
call, not wait for weeks.
he's gainfully employed,
spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my
Massages me back and begs to
do ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
Depression in the age of global
outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the
other day, so I called LifeLine. They
had recently outsourced, so I was put
through to their new Call Center in
I explained that I was
feeling suicidal. They were very excited
to hear this and wanted to know if I
could drive a truck or fly an
airplane.... ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
developers - Refer to their clients as
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
developers - "Download a free trial
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006
A Polish man moved to the USA and
married an American girl. Although his
English was far from perfect, they got
along very well until one day he rushed
into a lawyer's office and asked him if
he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a
divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the
- Have you any
- Yes, an acre and half and ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 16 Ianuarie 2007
A young lady visited the government
matchmaker for marriage and requested:
"I'm looking for a spouse. Can you
please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your
"Well, let me
see. Needs to be good looking, polite,
humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at
singing and dancing.
accompany me the whole day at home
during my leisure hour, if I ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 August 2007
Once upon a time in a land far away, a
beautiful, independent, self-assured
princess happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues on the
shores of an unpolluted pond in a
verdant meadow near her castle. The frog
hopped into the princess' lap and said:
- Elegant Lady, I was once a
handsome prince, until an evil witch
cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you,
however, and I will ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Septembrie 2007