One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services...
propus: 5 Apr 2007
One Sunday morning, everyone in a
bright, beautiful, tiny town got up
early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the
townspeople were sitting in their pews
and talking about their lives, their
families, etc. A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said: I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid [...]
appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running
for the front entrance, trampling each
other in a frantic effort to get away
from evil incarnate.
everyone was evacuated from the church,
except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly
oblivious to the fact that God's
ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he
walked up to the man and said, "Don't
you know who I am?"
The man replied,
"Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't
you afraid of me?"
ain't," said the man.
Satan was a
little perturbed at this and queried,
"Why aren't you afraid of me?"
man calmly replied, "Been married to
your sister for over 48 years."
banc precedent - Pythagorean theorem: 24 words. - The Lord's Prayer: 66 words. - Archimedes' Principle: 67 words. - The 10 Commandments: 179 words. - The Gettysburg address: 286 words. - The [...]
Two mothers are having a conversation
about their children one day.
do you get your Marvin up so early on
school mornings? asks Joan.
that's easy, replies Marianne. I just
throw the cat on his bed.
- Why does
that wake him up?
- He sleeps with
the dog! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008
Thirty lines to make you smile.
1.. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought he was
God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer
from insanity; I enjoy every minute of
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions
On Welfare Depend on Me!
people are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to
have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Februarie 2006
A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked
him, "Dad, why do you keep telling
people you're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one
will dare touch your mom!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had
made several attempts to get into the
men's restroom, but it had always
been occupied. The flight attendant
noticed his predicament. "Sir, she said,
"You may use the ladies room if you
promise not to touch any of the buttons
on the wall."
He did what he
needed to, and as he sat there he
noticed the Buttons he had promised not
to touch. Each button ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Septembrie 2004
A couple was going out for the evening.
They'd gotten ready, all dolled up,
dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and
as the couple start out, the dog shoots
back in the house. They don't want
the dog shut in the house,so the wife
goes out to the taxi while the husband
goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that
the house will be empty explains to the
taxi ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
A man is taking a walk in Central park
in New York. Suddenly he sees the little
girl being attacked by a pitbull. He
runs over and starts fighting with the
dog. He succeds in killing the dog and
saving the girls live.
who was watching the scene walks over
- You are a hero, tomorrow
you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's
- But ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 3 Mai 2006
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
"Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008
The truth about working in the IT
1. We work weird
2. They pay you to
make the client happy...
client pays a lot of money, but your
employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling
the client's dreams...
friends fall apart and you end up
hanging out with people in the same
profession as you...
6. When you
have to meet the ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006
This year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will
explain using the Q and A
"Q. What is an Economic
"A. It is money
that the federal government will send to
"Q. Where will the
government get this money?
"Q. So the
government is giving me back my own
"A. No, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Ianuarie 2009
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about
something. Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies."
A voice from
the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the
axe in his hand. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009
Robert went to his lawyer and said:
- I would like to make a will, but I
don't know exactly how to go about it.
The lawyer smiled at Robert and
- Not a problem, leave it
all to me.
Robert looked somewhat
upset and said:
- Well, I knew you
were going to take a big portion, but I
would like to leave a little to my
family too! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011