One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following...
propus: 30 Ian 2007
Students at a school were asked to write
about the harmful effects of oil on
One 11-year-old wrote, "When
my mom opened a tin of sardines last
night, it was full of oil and all the
sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007
When the new patient was settled
comfortably on the couch, the
psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the
doctor said. "So perhaps, you should
start at the very beginning."
course," replied the patient. "In the
beginning, I created the heavens and the
earth..." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007
The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad
to watch a young iraqi play football and
is suitably impressed and arranges him
to come over to Anfield.
weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to
Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The
manager gives the young Iraqi striker
the nod and on he goes.
is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes
and wins the game for Liverpool.
The fans are delighted, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Februarie 2006
Two women came before wise King Solomon,
dragging between them a young man in a
"This young lawyer
agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY
daughter," said the other.
they haggled before the king until he
called for silence.
"Bring me my
biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I
shall hew the young attorney in half.
Each of you shall receive a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus
1. He called everyone
2. He liked Gospel.
He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good
arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a
virgin and his mother was sure he was
But then there
were 3 ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 20 Octombrie 2005
Year 1981 =========
Charles got married
crowned Champions of Europe
Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned
Champions of Europe (again)
*** In Future,
Charles wants to re-marry
Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR
POPE....!! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
That’s not right = Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive =
Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP = Kum
4) Stupid Man = Dum Fuk
Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
you go to the beach = Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table = Ai
Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you
need a face lift = Chin Tu Fat
It’s Very dark in here = Wai So Dim
10) ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006
Depression in the age of global
outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the
other day, so I called LifeLine. They
had recently outsourced, so I was put
through to their new Call Center in
I explained that I was
feeling suicidal. They were very excited
to hear this and wanted to know if I
could drive a truck or fly an
airplane.... ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
One warm April
day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into
the yard, and he stopped to give our dog
a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
A: The animals told
him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
Worst Things To Say On A First Date:
- I used to have a real bad
bedwetting problem... but the last
couple of weeks I've gotten it under
- I know we just met and
this might seem a little sudden. .. but
could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- Go ahead and Super Size - I found
spare change in the sofa today.
Something tells me that you're very
special... but with medication I can ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 14 Februarie 2007
Friends of women:
A wife was
not at home for a whole night. So she
tells her husband, the very next
morning, that she stayed at her
girlfriend's apartment over night.
So the husband calls 10 of her best
girlfriends and none of them confirm
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a
whole night. So he tells his wife the
very next morning, that he stayed at his
friend's ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Septembrie 2004
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president
Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the
president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching
as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and
- How many is a brazillion? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Octombrie 2005