One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 30 Ian 2007

One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough."
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said.
Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care. Well, my job is done!
banc precedent
The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. Do you have a second mortgage on your home? No, I replied. Would you like to consolidate all your debts? [...]
banc urmator

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Iulie 2007


The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman
Need it faster? Ask her not to tell anyone! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 24 Iunie 2007


A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different fabrics of curtains she finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they for?"
She says, "It's ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Noiembrie 2005


An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak, something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man, "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 1 Aprilie 2008


Then there was a man who said:
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006


Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 8 Martie 2005


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I though you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007


HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyses the situation.

If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them. Put them in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006


You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007


A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whisky.
After getting him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and the worm dies ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 8 Decembrie 2006


I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it'sdirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007


The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 Octombrie 2006


Bula at the exam:
Teacher:
- Bula, I hope that this time I won't catch you cheating again!
Bula:
- I hope so too. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 August 2011


I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.

My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008