A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses,...
propus: 8 Dec 2006
A man drinks a shot of whisky every
night before bed. After years of this,
his wife wants him to quit; she gets two
shot glasses, filling one with water and
the other with whisky. In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. The instructor asked, How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, [...]
him to the table that has the glasses,
she brings his bait box. She says, "I
want you to see this." She puts a worm
in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and
the worm dies immediately. She then
says, feeling that she has made her
point clear, "What do you have to say
about this experiment?"
He says, "If
I drink whisky, I won't get worms!"
banc precedent I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 [...]
Man: Can I
ask you something?
Man: What is for you a million of
God: A second.
a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 27 Octombrie 2005
Two cows are conversing in a field. The
first one says to the other, "Have you
heard about this 'mad cow disease' that
is going around?"
The second cow
responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried
about it; I'm an airplane!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Iulie 2008
Thirty lines to make you smile.
1.. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought he was
God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer
from insanity; I enjoy every minute of
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions
On Welfare Depend on Me!
people are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to
have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Februarie 2006
I can't send my
salary this month, so I am sending 100
kisses. You are my sweetheart.
His wife replied back after some
days to her husband:
Thanks for your 100
kisses, I am sending the expenses
1. The Milk man agreed on 2
kisses for one month's milk.
The electricity man only agreed after 7
3. ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 13 Septembrie 2005
A crew of highway maintenance workers
was sent to repair some road signs that
vandals had knocked down in a forested
area. The first one they put back up was
a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to
repair the next sign, one crew member
looked back and spotted a deer running
across the highway.
She turned to a
co-worker and said, "I wonder how long
he's been waiting ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Iunie 2007
A wife asked her husband: "What do you
like most in me, my pretty face or my
He looked at her from
head to toes and replied after a pause:
"I like your sense of humor!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Ianuarie 2005
The blonde reports
for her university final examination
that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse,
removes a coin and starts tossing the
coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for
Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half
an hour she is all ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
Once upon a time there were two
One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into
The other brother,
however, was very good. He was always
kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbors, and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers
stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy
drinker and a womanizer.
other brother was a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 6 Aprilie 2006
1. I feel like I'm
diagonally parked in a parallel
2. On the other hand,
it's better to have fingers than toes.
3. A day without sunshine is
like. .. night!
4. How many of
you believe in psycho-kenisis? Raise my
5. Everyone has a
photographic memory, but some don't have
6. When everything is
coming your way. .. you're in the wrong
lane. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006
Amazingly simple home remedies:
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females
about lifting the toilet seat by using
3. For high blood pressure
sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the
pressure on your veins. Remember to use
4. A mouse ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 9 Noiembrie 2008
One spelling mistake can destroy your
A husband wrote a message to
his wife on his business trip and forgot
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time!
I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Aprilie 2011
One Sunday morning, everyone in a
bright, beautiful, tiny town got up
early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the
townspeople were sitting in their pews
and talking about their lives, their
appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running
for the front entrance, trampling each
other in a frantic effort to get ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Aprilie 2007
A couple was going out for the evening.
They'd gotten ready, all dolled up,
dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and
as the couple start out, the dog shoots
back in the house. They don't want
the dog shut in the house,so the wife
goes out to the taxi while the husband
goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that
the house will be empty explains to the
taxi ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
George B.: Condi! Nice to see you.
Sir, I have the report here about the
new leader of China.
Great. Lay it on me.
Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm
George B.: That's what
I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006