The slave driver of the Roman ship stared down at his slaves and yelled, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that...

"I just don't understand it", an Irish footballer complained... "One match I play very well, and then the next match I'm terrible".
"Well", said his wife, "why don't you just play every other match?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008

A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006

The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.

The fans are delighted, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Februarie 2006

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Iunie 2007

Ten Things men know for sure about women.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Women have breasts. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 August 2007

Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks to his son
Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case..."

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 29 Septembrie 2005

The Programmer's drinking song:

99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Octombrie 2006

Hung Chow calls work and says:
- Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I no come work.
The boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like that I go to my wife and tell her to sing for me. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
- Boss, I do what you say ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 16 Martie 2005

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in language that ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 20 Februarie 2007

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008

Basic philosophy in BIG 4:
- Ernst & Young = Dead & Young
- PriceWaterhouseCoopers = Prices are everything, no water, no house, cope with us, cause we don’t care!!!
- KPMG = Kill People More Gently
- Deloitte & Touche = Delighted to kill our employees. Touchė!!! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Aprilie 2007

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I am having hallucinations," he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after a bit, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
OK, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008

The slave driver of the Roman ship stared down at his slaves and yelled, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that you'll be getting double rations tonight."
The mumbling of the happy slaves was interrupted by the bellowing of the slave driver.
"The bad news is that the commander's son wants to water ski tomorrow morning." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 30 Noiembrie 2006

A Chinese couple got married. When a baby girl was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, the father named the baby SUM TING RONG." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Septembrie 2006

Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007