All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the...

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I though you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007

Little Logan and his family were having Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated round the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
- Logan, wait until we say our prayer, his mother reminded him.
- I don't need to, the little boy replied.
- Of course you do! his mother insisted, We say a prayer before ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 21 Noiembrie 2006

A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Noiembrie 2006

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.
- - - - - - - - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 21 Noiembrie 2006

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Iunie 2007

Who's your best friend? Just try this experiment... Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Martie 2008

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but he eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007

There are 2 people always next to you:
The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide evil intentions!
The Team Leader, busy figuring out what work to dump on you next...
And, there's YOU, who struggles with it all! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 22 Iunie 2008

Depression in the age of global outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the other day, so I called LifeLine. They had recently outsourced, so I was put through to their new Call Center in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited to hear this and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane.... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007

Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.

Your husband,
Allen

...
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 13 Septembrie 2005

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 27 Februarie 2007

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Iunie 2007

I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.

My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008

Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n

See for yourself what solution our student has found.
... Also our teacher's comment, written with red. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006