This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 21 Nov 2006

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.
- - - - - - - - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place?
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severancepackage. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely
***Old People Rock!***

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From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 2 Noiembrie 2004


There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Iunie 2006


Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010


A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
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To the first mother, Mary, he said:
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He turned to the second Mom, Ann:
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He turns to the third ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 Ianuarie 2007


Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a
Donkey from a farmer for $100. The
farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the
next day. <br> <br>The next day he drove
up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some
bad ...Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 14 Octombrie 2008


Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
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Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following comments:
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 3 Aprilie 2009


Year 1981 =========
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2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe (again)
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*** In Future,
if Charles wants to re-marry
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005


In order to assure the highest level of
quality work and productivity from
employees it will be our policy to keep
all employees well trained through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007


A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. She told her new husband, "Please be gentle with me, as for me it's the first time."
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"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be."
"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 August 2006


Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 27 Februarie 2007


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
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- Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008


Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:
- We have silver in our hair.
- We have gold in our teeth.
- We have stones in our kidneys.
- We have lead in our feet and.
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Februarie 2008