A cowboy went to an insurance agency to buy a policy. The agent asked, Have you ever had an accident? Nope, replied the...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 15 Nov 2006

A cowboy went to an insurance agency to buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?"
"Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!"

A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, Did anyone tell you what to say in court? Yes, sir, answered the boy. [...]
banc precedent Little Logan and his family were having Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated round the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, [...]
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THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. ...THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008


A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. He hangs and hangs an finally yells out: "Is there anybody up there who can help me?" There's no answer. He keeps calling and calling. "Is there anybody up there who can help me?". Finally this big ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007


This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: 'Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? 'A. It is ...This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: "Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. "Q. Where will the government get this money? "A. From taxpayers. "Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? "A. No, they are ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Ianuarie 2009


Some lines: 1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 2. On the other hand, it's better to have fingers than toes. 3. A day without sunshine is like. .. night! 4. How many of you believe in psycho-kenisis? Raise my hand. 5. Everyone has a photographic memory, but some don't have any film. 6. When everything is coming your way. .. you're in the wrong lane. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006


A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 3 Iunie 2008


News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further ...News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice. Sincerely yours, God ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 21 Noiembrie 2008


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny. - - - - - - - - - - - NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 21 Noiembrie 2006


Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007


FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages me back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 23 August 2005


A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006


The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 Octombrie 2006


The Programmer's drinking song: 99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 little bugs in the code. 101 little bugs in the code, 101 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 103 little bugs in the code. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Octombrie 2006


- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman. The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" - Yes, Father, it is. - And who was the woman you were with? - I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation. - Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti? - I cannot say. - Was it Teresa Volpe? - I'll never ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006