A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, Did...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 13 Nov 2006

A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I told the truth, everything would be all right."

A real estate agent had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. That customer's going to come back here pretty mad, [...]
banc precedent
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to buy a policy. The agent asked, Have you ever had an accident? Nope, replied the cowboy. Last summer, a bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a couple of [...]
banc urmator

Teacher:
- I killed a person. Tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student:
- In future tense: You will go to jail. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 19 Decembrie 2010


This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

Well, my job is done! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Ianuarie 2007


An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."


All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011


Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe, and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you Moses?" The man never answered but just kept staring straight ahead. Again the President said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just kept staring ahead, never ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Aprilie 2005


If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, itwill always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 August 2007


Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Thirty lines to make you smile.

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Februarie 2006


An engineer dies and reports to Heaven. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to Hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007


An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed.
- You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.
- But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your rolex watch instead?
- Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Octombrie 2005


Depression in the age of global outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the other day, so I called LifeLine. They had recently outsourced, so I was put through to their new Call Center in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited to hear this and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane.... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007


A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents'
first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005


Accidents Happen

A man happens upon a friend and sees that his friend's car is wrecked and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt, and blood. He asks his friend, "What happened to your car?"

"Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer."

"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches, and the dirt?"

"Well, I had to chase ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Septembrie 2006