A real estate agent had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 2 Nov 2006

A real estate agent had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!"

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm [...]
banc precedent
A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, Did anyone tell you what to say in court? Yes, sir, answered the boy. [...]
banc urmator

School: Define The Following Terms

Antibody: Against everyone.
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Benign: What you've been after eight.
Cardiology: Advance study of poker playing.
Cat Scan: Searching for lost kitty.
Chronic: Neck of a crow.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Cyst: Short of sister.
Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.
Dislocation: In ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Martie 2005


One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Aprilie 2011


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed:
- What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
The doctor chimed in:
- I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
The pastor said:
- Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.... Hi George! Say, what's ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey
curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 August 2008


Friends of women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.

Friends of men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Septembrie 2004


The truth about working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
6. When you have to meet the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006


My wife's family and I were at a Harding University football game. Every time someone carried the ball or made a tackle, the announcer would broadcast who had made the play.
Near the beginning of the third quarter after the announcer called a play, my niece, Madison, looked up at my wife and innocently asked, "Is that God talking?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 Noiembrie 2006


Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007


Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:
- We have silver in our hair.
- We have gold in our teeth.
- We have stones in our kidneys.
- We have lead in our feet and.
- We are loaded with natural gas ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Februarie 2008


Drug-dealers vs software developers.

Drug dealers - Refer to their clients as "users".
Software developers - Refer to their clients as "users".

Drug dealers - "The first one's free!"
Software developers - "Download a free trial version..."

Drug dealers - Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important South-East Asian ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006


Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you.
The next day I stopped eating red meat.

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
This morning I stopped reading. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 25 Aprilie 2005


A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Iunie 2007


Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg aplicatiile si programele.

COUNT DOWN......

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006


George B.: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm telling you.
George B.: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006


A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with asking for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 31 Mai 2006