A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 6 Oct 2006

A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.
banc precedent
- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman. The priest asks, Is that you, little Johnny Parisi? - Yes, Father, it is. - And who was the woman you were with? - I can't tell [...]
banc urmator

The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Februarie 2007


A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.

The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone.

The woman went on to tell us how upset she was ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


My grandmother is a computer geek. She also has trouble remembering quickly sometimes. One day she couldn't think of what she wanted to tell us.
Mom explained, "Your grandma is trying to retrieve the information, but it is taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't defragmented her hard drive lately." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 8 Octombrie 2007


Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Bubba and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 8 Martie 2007


HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyses the situation.

If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them. Put them in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006


- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
- The Lord's Prayer: 66 words.
- Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
- The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
- The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
- The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.

- - - The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words!!! - - - ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Aprilie 2007


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004


A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006


At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya ********!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007


After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 August 2007


- Are you sure this is british beef?
- Of horse it is! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Aprilie 2013


When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire
from public life, the British ambassador
and his wife threw a gala dinner party
in his honor. At the dinner table, the
Ambassador’s wife was talking ...When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle:
- Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Martie 2009


A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play.

Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play."

Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?"
"Yes, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008


A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006