A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS? Answer: So when I'm...
propus: 5 Oct 2006
When the new patient was settled
comfortably on the couch, the
psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the
doctor said. "So perhaps, you should
start at the very beginning."
"Of
course," replied the patient. "In the
beginning, I created the heavens and the
earth..."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible".
"Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
emergency?
Caller: I heard what
sounded like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking
the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign
says you're open 24 hours." He goes:
"Not in a row!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
Hearing so many people speaking about
his intelligence level, George "double
you" Bush decided to get his brain
checked.
The physician diagnosis was
as follows:
- Mr. President, you
have two brains, the left and the right,
like all normal people. But the problem
is that in your left brain there is
nothing right and in your right brain
there is nothing left.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Mai 2005
Bill and Diane were in a terrible
accident and Diane's face was
severely burned.
The doctor
told Bill that they couldn't graft
any skin from her body because she was
too skinny.
So Bill offered to
donate some of his own skin. However,
the only skin on his body that the
doctor felt was suitable would have to
come from his buttocks.
The
husband and wife agreed that they would
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical
formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L
M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking
about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said
it's H to O.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
On some air bases, the Air Force is on
one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time
is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is
calling?"
The aircraft replied,
"What difference does it make?"
The
tower replied, "It makes a lot of
difference. If it is an American
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Iulie 2007
A real estate agent had just closed his
first deal, only to discover that the
piece of land he had sold was completely
under water.
"That customer's
going to come back here pretty mad," he
said to his boss. "Should I give him his
money back?"
"Money back?"
roared the boss. "What kind of salesman
are you? Get out there and sell him a
houseboat!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Noiembrie 2006
This coming week is National Mental
Health Care week.
You can do
your part by remembering to contact at
least one unstable person to show you
care.
Well, my job is done!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Ianuarie 2007

The Pentagon announced TODAY the
formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the United States
Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These boys will be dropped off in
Iraq and have been given only the
following facts about terrorists:
1.
The season opened today.
2. There is
no limit.
3. They taste just like
chicken.
4. They don't like beer,
pickups, country music or Jesus.
5.
They are
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
"Read
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg
aplicatiile si programele.
COUNT DOWN......
20.
"That's weird..."
19. "It's never
done that before."
18. "It worked
yesterday."
17. "How is that
possible?"
16. "It must be a
hardware problem."
15. "What did you
type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in
your data."
13. "I haven't touched
that module in weeks!"
12.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006
Once upon a time there were two
brothers.
One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into
trouble.
The other brother,
however, was very good. He was always
kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbors, and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers
stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy
drinker and a womanizer.
The
other brother was a
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 6 Aprilie 2006