A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS? Answer: So when I'm...
propus: 5 Oct 2006
There is an old story about a mother who
walks in on her six-year-old son and
finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?"
she asks.
"I've just figured out how
to tie my shoes."
"Well, honey,
that's wonderful." Being a wise mother,
she recognizes his victory in the
Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus
doubt: "You're growing up, but why are
you crying?"
"Because," he says,
"now I'll have to do it
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007
Manning the computer help desk for the
local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took
the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.
- Can I
talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm
sorry, the caller said. That was rude of
me. What I meant to say was, could I
talk to someone who actually knows
something?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008
The truth about working in the IT
industry:
1. We work weird
(night) shifts...
2. They pay you to
make the client happy...
3. The
client pays a lot of money, but your
employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling
the client's dreams...
5. Your
friends fall apart and you end up
hanging out with people in the same
profession as you...
6. When you
have to meet the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006
The Programmer's drinking song:
99 little bugs in the code,
99
bugs in the code,
Fix one bug,
compile it again,
101 little bugs
in the code.
101 little bugs in the
code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Octombrie 2006
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl:
"Will you marry me?" The girl said "NO!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and
went fishing, hunting and played golf a
lot and drank beer and farted whenever
he wanted.
THE END
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Ianuarie 2006
A blonde at the grocery store:
- I
would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4
onions.
- I can help you with the
tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with
the onions...
- Ok... than I'll
have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2
onions.
- I see you don't understand
me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes,
but I have no onions.
- I see...
then I'll have a tomato, a potato and an
onion.
- Ok, let's do this
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her
class that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine
or feminine.
"House" for instance,
is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil,"
however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A
student asked, "What gender is
'computer'?"
Instead of giving the
answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups, male and female, and asked
them to decide for
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Iunie 2007
Thirty lines to make you smile.
1.. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought he was
God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer
from insanity; I enjoy every minute of
it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions
On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some
people are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to
have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Februarie 2006
A man walks into a bar and he's really
pissed. The bartender gives him a drink
and asks what the problem is. All he
says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The
pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are
you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
1)
That’s not right = Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive =
Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP = Kum
Hia
4) Stupid Man = Dum Fuk
5)
Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did
you go to the beach = Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table = Ai
Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you
need a face lift = Chin Tu Fat
9)
It’s Very dark in here = Wai So Dim
10)
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
In the
first year, "s" will
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
Software
developers - Refer to their clients as
"users".
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
Software
developers - "Download a free trial
version..."
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006
Subject: Geography lesson for the Day
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is
like Africa, half discovered, half wild,
naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is
like America, well-developed and open to
trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like
India, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.
Between
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004