A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she...
propus de: Dody pe data: 2 Oct 2006
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
The next
day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to
another, and soon the whole cake was
gone.
The woman went on to tell
us how upset she was with her lack of
willpower, and how she knew her husband
would be disappointed. Everyone
commiserated, until someone asked what
her husband said when he found out.
She smiled. "He never found out. I
made another cake and ate half!"
A Chinese couple got married. When a baby girl was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, the father named the baby SUM TING RONG.
banc precedent If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
banc următor
Man: God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I
ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of
years?
God: A second.
Man: And
a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 27 Octombrie 2005
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the
man said, "I dream that these three
hideous monsters are sitting on the edge
of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel
sure I can cure you of this problem. But
the treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!"
the man gasped. "Never
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he
said, a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, though,
such as Romanian, a double negative is
still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.
A loud voice from
the back of the room piped up:
-
Yeah, right.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm
clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I
trust you'll see to it that the weather
won't turn bad on us."
Our pastor
shook his head. "Sorry," he replied.
"I'm sales, not management!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 29 Octombrie 2008
I went to the cinema the other day and
in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind
of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part, the dog laughed its head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended, I
decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've
seen,
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb
make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a
mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and
said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 14 August 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
"What
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sâmbătă, 14 Iulie 2007
Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg
aplicatiile si programele.
COUNT DOWN......
20.
"That's weird..."
19. "It's never
done that before."
18. "It worked
yesterday."
17. "How is that
possible?"
16. "It must be a
hardware problem."
15. "What did you
type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in
your data."
13. "I haven't touched
that module in weeks!"
12.
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Noiembrie 2006
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the
FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on
all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of
alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 7 Martie 2005
A dog walks into an employment agency
and says:
- I'd like to get a job
please.
The guy at the employment
agency says:
- Wow, you could easily
get a job at the circus, with your
talents!
The dog replys:
- What
would the circus want with a plumber?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 19 Noiembrie 2013
The Programmer's drinking song:
99 little bugs in the code,
99
bugs in the code,
Fix one bug,
compile it again,
101 little bugs
in the code.
101 little bugs in the
code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Octombrie 2006
Jack and Max are walking from religious
service. Jack wonders whether it would
be all right to smoke while praying. Max
replies, "Why don't you ask the
Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest
and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I
pray?"
But the Priest says,
"No, my son, you may not. That's
utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and
tells him what the good
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 1 Septembrie 2004
All eyes were on the radiant bride as
her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and
placed something in his hand. The guests
in the front pews, and the minister,
responded with ripples of laughter. As
her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride had given him back his credit
card.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Noiembrie 2006
Students at a school were asked to write
about the harmful effects of oil on
fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When
my mom opened a tin of sardines last
night, it was full of oil and all the
sardines were dead."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical
formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L
M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking
about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said
it's H to O.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008