A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she...
propus de: Dody pe data: 2 Oct 2006
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
The next
day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to
another, and soon the whole cake was
gone.
The woman went on to tell
us how upset she was with her lack of
willpower, and how she knew her husband
would be disappointed. Everyone
commiserated, until someone asked what
her husband said when he found out.
She smiled. "He never found out. I
made another cake and ate half!"
Accidents Happen A man happens upon a friend and sees that his friend's car is wrecked and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt, and blood. He asks his friend, What happened to [...]
banc precedent A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS? Answer: So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!
banc urmator
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
In the
first year, "s" will
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
Software
developers - Refer to their clients as
"users".
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
Software
developers - "Download a free trial
version..."
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Aprilie 2006
A man follows a woman out of a movie
theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He
stops her and says, "I'm sorry to
bother you, but I couldn't help but
notice that your dog was really into the
movie. He cried at the right spots, he
moved nervously in his seat at the
boring parts, but most of all, he
laughed like crazy at the funny parts.
Did you find that unusual?"
"Yes,"
she replied, "I found
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
A man walks into a bar and he's really
pissed. The bartender gives him a drink
and asks what the problem is. All he
says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The
pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are
you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006
How to avoid the flu
Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of
fruits and veggies.
Take your
vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because
exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least hour a day, go for
a swim, take the stairs instead of the
elevator, etc.
Wash your hands
often. If you can't wash them, keep
a bottle of antibacterial stuff
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 21 Ianuarie 2005
Answering Machine at the Mental
Hospital:
Hello, and welcome to
the mental health hospital.
-If
you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
repeatedly.
-If you are
co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2 for you.
-If you have
multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and
6.
-If you are paranoid, we
know who you are and what you want. Stay
on the line so we can trace your call.
-If you
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
The graduate with a Science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How
does it work?"
The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will
it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts
degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C.,
and President Bush takes him out for an
afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on
the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia.
They're admiring the sights when, all of
a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto)
blows off his head and out into the
water.
Secret Service guys start to
launch a boat, but President Bush waves
them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take
care of this.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Iulie 2006
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated,
though, when from behind me I heard a
gleeful giggle followed
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
I went to the cinema the other day and
in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind
of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part, the dog laughed its head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended, I
decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've
seen,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011
Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush &
Traian Basescu died & went straight to
hell.
Queen Elizabeth II said
"I miss Britain, I want to call Britain
and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5
minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well,
Devil how much do I owe you? The devil
replied "Five million dollars" She wrote
him a cheque and went to sit back on her
chair.
George
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Octombrie 2006
A young man married a beautiful woman
who had previously divorced ten
husbands. She told her new husband,
"Please be gentle with me, as for me
it's the first time."
"What?" said
the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales
Representative; he kept telling me how
great it was going to be."
"Husband
#2 was in Software Services; he was
never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 August 2006
A Polish man moved to the USA and
married an American girl. Although his
English was far from perfect, they got
along very well until one day he rushed
into a lawyer's office and asked him if
he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a
divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the
following questions:
- Have you any
grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 16 Ianuarie 2007
George B.: Condi! Nice to see you.
What's happening?
Condoleeza R.:
Sir, I have the report here about the
new leader of China.
George B.:
Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.:
Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to
know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm
telling you.
George B.: That's what
I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of
China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
I never
think of the future. It comes soon
enough.
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
education.
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
the universe.
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005