Some lines: 1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 2. On the other hand, it's better to have fingers...
propus: 17 Aug 2006
A young lady visited the government
matchmaker for marriage and requested:
"I'm looking for a spouse. Can you
please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your
requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good
looking, polite, humorous, sporty,
knowledgeable, good at singing and
dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at
home during my leisure hour, if I
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 August 2007
A dog walks into an employment agency
and says:
- I'd like to get a job please.
The guy at the employment agency says:
- Wow, you could easily get a job at the
circus, with your talents!
The dog replys:
- What would the circus want with a
plumber?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 19 Noiembrie 2013
Positive Thinking Poem...
Little birdy in the sky,
You look up and it shits in your eye
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't
fly...
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006
A man walks along a lonely beach.
Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I am
having hallucinations," he thinks. Then
he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand with his
bare hands, and after a bit, he finds a
small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
OK, the man thinks, let's open the
thing. He finds a rock with which to
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008
After buying her kids a pet hamster,
after they PROMISED they would take care
of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the
responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked
them, "How many times do you think that
hamster would have died if I hadn't
looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied
quizzically, "Once?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 August 2007
Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after
folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed
a remote control for a television set in
her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV
remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband
refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I
could do to him legally.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010
In a class on abnormal psychology, the
instructor was about to introduce the
subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you
diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth, screaming at the top of his lungs
one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand
and suggested earnestly, "A basketball
coach?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Decembrie 2006
I was out walking with my 4 year old
daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my
daughter asked. "Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it'sdirty and probably has germs"
I replied. At this point, my daughter
looked at me with total admiration and
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007
You are driving along in your car on a
wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus
stop, and you see three people waiting
for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is
about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your
life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have
been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a
ride to, knowing that there could only
be one passenger in your car.
Think
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
Little Logan and his family were having
Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's
house. Everyone was seated round the
table as the food was being served. When
little Logan received his plate, he
started eating right away.
- Logan, wait until we say our prayer,
his mother reminded him.
- I don't need to, the little boy
replied.
- Of course you do! his mother insisted,
We say a prayer before eating
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 21 Noiembrie 2006
3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story
This is classic - a true story, proving
how fascinating is the mind of a six
year old. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story of the
Three Little Pigs to her class. She came
to the part of the story where the first
pig was trying to gather the building
materials for his home. She read,
"...and so the pig went up to the man
with the wheelbarrow
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
Late one night, a man walks into a
dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You
need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light was on."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 9 Mai 2007
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts
of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and
eat lots
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 11 Noiembrie 2004
A truck driver had to deliver five
hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he
was driving his truck through the
desert, the truck broke down.
After waiting by the side of the road
for about three hours, he waved another
truck down and offered the driver $500
to take the penguins to the state zoo
for him.
The next day, the first truck driver
arrived in town and saw the second truck
driver crossing
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 3 Decembrie 2007