A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. She told her new husband, Please be gentle with...
propus: 2 Aug 2006
A young man married a beautiful woman
who had previously divorced ten
husbands. She told her new husband,
"Please be gentle with me, as for me
it's the first time." In an airplane the captain tells the passengers: - This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage [...]
the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales
Representative; he kept telling me how
great it was going to be."
#2 was in Software Services; he was
never really sure how it was supposed to
function, but he said he'd look into it
and get back to me."
"Husband #3 was
from Field Services; he said everything
checked out diagnostically but he just
couldn't get the system up."
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing;
even though he knew he had the order, he
didn't know when he would be able to
"Husband #5 was an
Engineer, he understood the basic
process but wanted three years to
research, implement, and design a new
#6 was from Administration; he thought
he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether
it was his job or not."
was in Marketing; although he had a
product, he was never sure how to
"Husband #8 was a
psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk
"Husband #9 was a
gynecologist; all he did was look."
"Husband #10 was a stamp collector;
all he ever did was.... God, I miss
"But now that I've married
you, I'm so excited!"
said the husband, "but, why?"
"You're with the Government.... This
time I KNOW It's gonna happen."
banc precedent Some lines: 1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 2. On the other hand, it's better to have fingers than toes. 3. A day without sunshine is like. .. [...]
Hung Chow calls work and says:
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work.
- You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
- Boss, I do what you say ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 16 Martie 2005
A man happens
upon a friend and sees that his friend's
car is wrecked and covered with leaves,
grass, branches, dirt, and blood. He
asks his friend, "What happened to your
"Well," the friend
responses, "I ran into a lawyer."
"OK," says the man, "that explains
the blood... But what about the leaves,
the grass, the branches, and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Septembrie 2006
A husband read an article to
his wife about how many words women use
a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to
The husband then turned to
his wife and asked, 'What?' ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 30 Mai 2010
Year 1981 =========
Charles got married
crowned Champions of Europe
Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned
Champions of Europe (again)
*** In Future,
Charles wants to re-marry
Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR
POPE....!! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
An old mafia Don is dying and he calls
his grandson to the bed.
lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my
chrome plated 38 revolver so you will
always remember me.
- But grandpa,
I really don't like guns. Howzabout you
leava me your rolex watch instead?
Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna
runna da business, you gonna have a
beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga
home and maybe a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Octombrie 2005
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
A: The animals told
him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is
Shouting, crying, the
mother says, "Who did this to you? I
want to know!"
The girl picks up the
phone and makes a call. Half an hour
later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical
lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the
Cop so he decides to have some fun at
the Cop's expense.
License and registration, please.
- What for?
- You didn't come to a
complete stop at the stop sign.
- I slowed down,
and no one was coming.
- Exactly! License ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005
In order to assure the highest level of
quality work and productivity from
employees it will be our policy to keep
all employees well trained through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
TRAINING (S.H.I.T) ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007
Two cows are conversing in a field. The
first one says to the other, "Have you
heard about this 'mad cow disease' that
is going around?"
The second cow
responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried
about it; I'm an airplane!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Iulie 2008
Many hymnals have a hymn called "Gladly
the Cross I'd Bear."
that one week when the church secretary
was typing the Sunday
asked the pastor which hymn would come
just before the
sermon. He replied
with the above-mentioned hymn.
The following Sunday the bulletin
Hymn No. 134: "Gladly,
the Cross-eyed Bear." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 16 Octombrie 2008
The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad
to watch a young iraqi play football and
is suitably impressed and arranges him
to come over to Anfield.
weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to
Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The
manager gives the young Iraqi striker
the nod and on he goes.
is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes
and wins the game for Liverpool.
The fans are delighted, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Februarie 2006
After buying her kids a pet hamster,
after they PROMISED they would take care
of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the
exasperated, she asked them, "How many
times do you think that hamster would
have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son
replied quizzically, "Once?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 August 2007
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
I know I'm not going to
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010