A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. She told her new husband, Please be gentle with...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 2 Aug 2006

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. She told her new husband, "Please be gentle with me, as for me it's the first time."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be."
"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me."
"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up."
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver."
"Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method."
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not."
"Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it."
"Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it."
"Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look."
"Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.... God, I miss him!"
"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Wonderful," said the husband, "but, why?"
"You're with the Government.... This time I KNOW It's gonna happen."

In an airplane the captain tells the passengers: - This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage [...]
banc precedent
Some lines: 1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 2. On the other hand, it's better to have fingers than toes. 3. A day without sunshine is like. .. [...]
banc urmator

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said:
- If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them:
- It's a illegala to put a cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do you mean it's illegal? asks the German driver.
- Quattro meansa four, replies the Italian official.
- Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile!, the German says unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze car is ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006


Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
1) That’s not right = Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive = Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP = Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man = Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach = Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table = Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift = Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s Very dark in here = Wai So Dim
10) ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006


10 WAYS THE BIBLE WOULD BE DIFFERENT (If Written By College Students)

10. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
8. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 Mai 2007


A cowboy went to an insurance agency to buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?"
"Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Noiembrie 2006


A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams.
"Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007


Once upon a time there were two brothers.

One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble.

The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close.

The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer.

The other brother was a ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 6 Aprilie 2006


What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 1 Martie 2005


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
- Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008


One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Aprilie 2007


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 11 Noiembrie 2004


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find
North America. <br>MARIA: Here it is.
<br>TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who
discovered America? <br>CLASS: Maria.TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 8 Martie 2005


A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with asking for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 31 Mai 2006